Final Fifty

2009-01-23T12:47:00.000-08:00

There's real no rhyme or reason to the picture. I just think it's funny.

Anyway, I've moved. My new blog is nomoreexcusesforbeck.blogspot.com.

(As if you needed MORE letters to type in my already-long-ass Blogger address.)

2009-01-23T10:37:00.000-08:00

Excusing My Behavior
Well, I think I've been giving myself an out. I'm allowing myself to think "I'm not going to count calories, but I'll just eat a little better." That's not working for me. By not holding myself accountable to...well, myself...I'm allowing bad behavior. Yesterday, I rationalized everything I ate. Here's some insight on my thought patterns:

Breakfast
What I ate: bowl of Peanut Butter Crunch for breakfast.
How I justified it: "This has about as many calories as a bowl of Fiber One or Wheat Chex. And it tastes sooo much better."

Lunch
What I ate: Chef Boyardee Ravioli
How I justified it: "I won't eat very much. Besides, nothing beats the taste of canned ravioli. Mmmm. Canned ravioli."

Dinner
What I ate: pizza and breadsticks
How I justified it: "Man, today sucked. I'm stressed, I have no time to make dinner, and I don't even want what we have available. I'll just have a couple pieces of pizza and a breadstick."

Late-Nite Snack:
What I ate: apples with homemade caramel sauce
How I justified it: "Dude, it's apples. Apples are good for you."

Yyyyeah. I can see how justification only makes my bad decisions worse. Argh.

So today isn't over yet. I just realized I haven't had anything to eat. Bad, bad, BAD! I know. So I'm going to get myself half a half-sandwich - turkey on whole wheat, hold the mayo - and an apple. Yeah. That actually sounds really good. Then I'm going to go grocery shopping and get more fruits and veggies as well as foods that are easy to make. (We've got to factor in convenience since, with the move less than a week away, practically everything is packed away.)

I'm so tired of excusing my bad behavior. It's definitely going to be much better once we get out to Denver, I'm working a regular job, have access to a gym both at work and in our community, and my insanely hectic life is somewhat tamed by a schedule.

2009-01-21T14:47:00.000-08:00

Back on the Horse. Again.
Having gone through hell the last nine months, my weight was the first thing to spring back. It absolutely kills me to say this, but I'm back over 200 pounds. 205.6 to be exact.

I'm not sure if anyone even follows this anymore since I've been AWOL since October, but if you do, please don't judge me. Don't tell me what I did wrong and how I quit and blah blah blah. I know what I did wrong. I stopped caring about my weight amidst a non-stop stressful life. There were other things that became much more important to me than watching what I ate. And yes, stress (and money) played a major role in the quality of foods I consumed.

And now I'm rambling.

I'm picking this back up. Am I going to eat perfectly? Never put a simple carb in my body again? Never miss a workout? Can't say that I will. I'm a mom and wife with a full-time job in addition to the other everyday responsibilities. However, I'm going to start making my health a priority again.

If anyone is still out there, I need your support. I don't need to be judged for how I've allowed myself to slip this far, or to be told you don't have faith in my efforts this time around. While I can see the urge to do so (and to a point, the right), that will only discourage me. I can't do discouragement right now.

Ok, wow. This post was way too serious. Time for a joke.

Q. What does Snoop Dogg use to brighten his laundry?

A. Bleeyoch

Thank you. Thank you very much.

2008-10-29T21:07:00.001-07:00

Fast. Run.
Today, I decided to fast. While it's not fasting in the literal sense (as I had an apple for dinner), I consumed no more than 200 calories today (including wine and green tea with honey). Tomorrow, I'm going to resume eating healthy meals, but keeping it under 1,200 calories. Depending on my weight tomorrow, I'm tempted to fast again on Friday. I think that's bordering unhealthy, though.

I don't get what my deal is. When I dedicate myself to fasting, I can do it with no problem. There are the hunger pangs here and there, but nothing unbearable. Yet, when I eat normally throughout the day, I struggle with restraining myself in regards to portions, or abstaining from sweets. Even more, abstaining from the urge to bake.

Anyway, in positive, non-starving news, Melissa and I went running tonight. I felt bad because I felt like I held her back by walking after maybe a mile. Talking and running is hard, for the record. Anyway, it felt so good to feel accountable, make time for exercise and DO IT.

I think training for races will only heighten the feelings of accomplishment.

So that's my day. I lost about four pounds today alone. We'll see what the scale says tomorrow.

2008-10-27T19:45:00.000-07:00

Keep Holdin' On
Still holding on. The stress is still there...this and next week are going to be brutal. But I've been controlling the eating.

Kevin inspired me to find a body and Photoshop my head onto it. I think I will likely resemble Gina Carano when I finally hit my goal weight. So that's the bod I picked.

2008-10-17T13:25:00.001-07:00

Yesterday...

I hit most of my goals yesterday. Ten lunges in, I realized I was going to follow up with sprints. It didn't seem like the best decision to finish my lunges if I wanted to walk today. So here's what I did:

Pushups: 3 sets, 10 reps.
Situps: 4 sets, 25 reps.
Lunges: 1 set, 10 sets each leg.
Sprints: 10 sets. 1 set = 0:30 sprint @ 9.8mph, 1:30 rest.

Eating was about 87.3% clean.

(Percentage obtained via Miya Butt.)

Got crap to do. I'm out.

2008-10-16T05:07:00.001-07:00

A Step at a Time
Yesterday was a bad day diet-wise, good day activity-wise. While I ran/walked in the morning, then ran some routes and threw the football for about an hour at lunch, I still ate horribly. I think it's more habitual than anything else. I've let myself slip into "I don't care" mode and my diet is suffering significantly as a result.

I'm going to try focusing on a day at at time. A decision at a time.

My goals today:
1. No junk food.
2. Sprints, 30 pushups, 100 situps and 30 lunges

Breakfast: Fiber One cereal with 1/2% milk
Lunch: Salad of some sort
Dinner: Chicken pot pie (homemade with super-healthy ingredients)
Evening snack: green tea with honey and/or whole wheat toast

It's nothing lofty. I've just got to make good decisions today.

2008-10-15T04:46:00.000-07:00

Outnumbered
I know it's been awhile, and I apologize. Truth is, I don't have anything good to blog about and really can't deal with criticism right now. Does that make me weak? Probably.

I feel like I'm a small army fighting several different armies...at the same time.

And I'm vastly outnumbered.

If I were just fighting the battle of weight and normal "everyday" stresses, then I would have absolutely no reason to be complaining. I'd be expected to just suck it up and shutup. I'm a strong army and I usually win the single battles. But I'm fighting so many battles right now that I can't justify spending my time and energy on weight loss.

I'm going to try, though.

I'm going to take small steps. Eat better, though not perfect. Devote half an hour each day to exercise. Be more active in general.

I've slipped. I can see it every time I look in the mirror. I can feel it every time I get dressed. And it depresses the crap out of me.

Anyway, I don't know how often I'm going to be able to blog. And I feel horrible because I haven't had time (nor will I be able to spend the time I'd like) to visit everyone's blogs. I'll try, though.

Ok, enough blogging, more exercising.

2008-09-11T21:55:00.000-07:00

Another Day, Another Horse
I'd say that I've fallen off the horse - again - but truth be told, I kicked my horse in the shins until it couldn't walk anymore, then called it ugly.

I have no clue what that means. It's nearly 1 in the morning, I'm waiting for a freaking shopping cart to upload so I can pull my hair out trying to figure yet another one out for a picky client who wants the impossible. Sue me.

What I'm basically saying is, I've fallen off the horse again. This time, I've fallen into the trap of eating little to nothing during the day while I'm trying to juggle overwhelming projects and two deviants whose only purpose in life is to see who can make me lose my patience first. It's fun, let me tell ya. Then at night, I get ravenously snacky and dive head-first into anything sugary or salty. To top it off, I'm drinking hardly anything (unless it's at least 80 proof).

Before you guys (and girls) rip into me, I know I screwed up. I know that what I'm doing is detrimental to weight loss and, at the very least, horribly unhealthy. I know all that. My challenge is to create a time and place for everything. And not just eating right and exercising. I'm talking about my entire life at the moment. Right now, I'm just letting stuff happen and am neglecting important things like my family and my health. I have no focus, no patience and no will-power and it's got to stop.

For clarification, I'm not laying out excuses. I'm simply laying out my chaotic life as it sits now and making it known that I've got a heck of a mess that needs to be cleaned up.

I'm going to start with making a schedule. I'll follow that up with prioritizing the items (and people) within that schedule and taking care of each appropriately. I've let myself become lazy and unfocused. It's time to grab this beast of a situation by the horns and steer it in the direction I want (and need) it to go.

Let it be noted that regardless of the image I used to portray my overall health awareness, I despise rodeos, big hats, big belt buckles, country music and, in most cases, cowboys. No offense.

2008-08-31T21:15:00.000-07:00

New Recipes!
I recently bought the Weight Watchers cookbook and finally went shopping last week for the ingredients for some of the meals. Tonight was the first chance I got to actually cook one and it was so freaking good! That's not to say that I'm some amazing cook, because...well...I'm not. The recipe I tried was more fool-proof than anything else.

Anyway, we tried the Teriyaki Shrimp Kabobs. Wow. So good! I don't remember what the book said to put on the kabobs (besides the Teriyaki-marinated shrimp, of course), but I ended up using fresh pineapple chunks, onions and red bell peppers. Our grill is out of commission, so I broiled the kabobs instead, then put them over a bed of parbroiled rice.

Yum!

I'm excited to try the other recipes. I purposely chose meals that I've either never tried or never baked before. Some meals include veal, buffalo (though I can't find ground buffalo anywhere mainstream, so I'm going to have to resort to super-lean ground beef...argh!) and spinach fettuccine. This is going to be fun!

2008-08-28T20:23:00.000-07:00

Real Quick...

I've been insanely busy as usual. That's good, though! Ran into an unavoidable situation tonight where food choices weren't great. Of the choices, I was really good, and my portion control was right on. We got in a little football tonight, too (as much as the kids would allow), so Kevin and I are continuing our streak of staying active every day.

Because tonights meal was technically a "cheat meal," I'm not going to have another one until Gracie's birthday (end of September). I'm going to hit my goals this time around, and giving up a cheat meal is certainly a sacrifice I'm willing to make.

That's all. G'night.

2008-08-22T21:31:00.001-07:00

Workout: Suicides
10 sets; 35s-38s per set
~1:20 rest

Strength: Remainder of yesterday's routine
50 lunges
50 triceps extensions
100 squats

Have a good weekend, everyone!

2008-08-21T22:19:00.000-07:00

Busy as a Bee!
Quick hits tonight. I'm insanely busy, which leaves no time to blog. Ugh.

- Moved cheat meal up to tonight. Had Chinese buffet and felt horrible eating it the entire time. Not looking forward to tomorrow's weigh-in.

- I know I'm in the weight-loss mindset because I can't wait to keep tomorrow's eating clean and feel good again. I feel like crap right now!

- I got in 50 pushups and 100 situps tonight. I'll add squats, lunges and triceps extensions to my cardio tomorrow.

- I'm thankful for the paying work, but I've got no time! I just wish I could find a happy medium. But again, I'm grateful. I'd much rather be busy and taken care of than out of work with no money.

2008-08-20T17:37:00.000-07:00

Exhausted.
I know I will probably get ripped a new one, but oh well. I'm so freaking tired. Do you ever get so tired that you try to have conversations and you feel like you're drunk?? That was me today...on a conference call. Professional.

So yeah, my plans of suicides and calisthenics went right down the drain.

I was still right on with my eating. I even took portion control up a notch at dinner tonight and ate lighter than I usually do.

Oh, and the best part of the day? I weighed in at 184.6 today. Heck yeah!

2008-08-18T10:26:00.000-07:00

Chinese Blunder
So we were out shopping and passed one of our favorite Chinese buffets. We had some cash on us, we didn't feel like making dinner, and we had eaten pretty good up to that point. So we went to the buffet. We went in with every intention of being good...sticking to the fruit and sushi bars and maybe grabbing a spoonful of Sesame Chicken. Problem is, when you walk into those places and spend the money on a buffet, you can't justify only eating fruit and sushi. So we did the thing we always do: ate like pigs and regretted it afterwards.

That whole scenario above? That's what we used to do. This week, however, was perfect. Even the weekend! I stuck to clean eating, stayed on track with exercise - even when I didn't feel like it - and stayed active otherwise. Today's weigh-in of 185.6 was a good reflection of my hard work. That's what's funny, though. It's not even hard work. It's tough in the heat of the decision of whether or not to eat that extra helping of food just because it tastes good. It can be a challenge to ignore the late-night sugar cravings. But looking back, it was easy. I made freaking awesome decisions last week and I feel so incredibly good about them!

Now on to this week. It's the same drill. Instead of suicides, though, I'm going to do sprints outside since Kevin's home to watch the girls. I'm going to look like a total moron, but eh, who cares?

I'll post more later on my workout.

*** EDIT ***

Workout: Suicides
Total Sets: 10
Reps Per Set: 5 To's and Back's
Time: 36s-38s/set

Notes: I was going to run sprints outside, but I felt like I was going to pass out after lunch. I figured it would be better to pass out in the privacy of my basement than on some random road.

2008-08-16T10:21:00.000-07:00

Sun Run No Fun
My head is pounding after a run in the heat. But, it was a run. I had to stop a couple times - I was pretty fatigued from the heat. But I ran a total of 2.25 miles. I also sprinted (as fast as the dog would let me) up my block to our house. It was probably a good .05 miles (about 88 yards).

This morning was pretty eventful as well. We took a family walk of about 1.5 miles, then Kevin and I threw the football around for about half an hour.

Eating has been good. It hasn't technically been perfect because we did have pancakes for breakfast. However, it was with minimal butter and sugar-free syrup, and we'll be going light the rest of the day.

Sunday's normally my cheat meal day, but we're going to be holding off until at least Thursday. If Thursday's weigh-in is good, we might just skip the cheat meal altogether this week.

So Rip, you're right. Saturday's here. But we're still going strong and don't plan on slowing down.

2008-08-15T14:17:00.000-07:00

Workout: Suicides
10 sets, 36s-38s per set

Well, weighed in today at 187.6. This was after breakfast and a handful of modified Chex mix (homemade with only wheat chex). I'm pretty stoked about that since I haven't been under 190 since I started this thing!

Now, on to 180...

2008-08-14T20:02:00.000-07:00

Quickie
Workout: Strength
Pushups: 2 sets, 10 reps; 2 sets, 15 reps.
Situps: 2 sets, 20 reps; 2 sets, 30 reps.
Lunges: 2 sets, 10 reps each side; 2 sets, 15 reps each side.
Triceps Extensions: 2 sets, 10 reps; 2 sets, 15 reps.
Squats: 2 sets, 20 reps; 2 sets, 30 reps.

Good workout, and today's eating was spotless:

Breakfast: Fiber One with 2% milk
Lunch: Couscous with olive oil and Italian seasonings
Snack: Honey Nut Cheeerios (dry)
Dinner: Garden salad topped with chicken and Asian Sesame dressing
Snack: Whole wheat toast with honey, Chai latte (with fat-free creamer and Splenda)

I feel good about the small victories, but I'm not focusing on them. I'm focusing on 180 pounds.

2008-08-13T10:57:00.000-07:00

I'm Crazy-Rubber-Band-Legs Woman!
Hey, look at me! I got rubber bands for legs, and I'm crazy! Now give me some candy, or I'll kick you with my crazy rubber-band leg!

Yeah, I ran my suicides again. My time was better - yay. But by the end, my legs felt like rubber. They were heavy and wouldn't do what my brain told them to. Good workout, though.

Followed it up with throwing the football (and actually catching some crazy passes) this afternoon.

Workout: Suicides
10 sets (sprint 20 feet, touch down, sprint back; 5x)
Time per set: 36s-38s
Rest: 1:25ish

Totally off topic and random: check these guys out. They're freaking awesome. They're Hendrix reincarnated.

2008-08-12T21:34:00.000-07:00

Quick Hits

First, thank you all for the comments! That was massive motivation for me. Kristen, I forgot all about the Turkey Trot. I'm finally IN TOWN to do it, so count me in. Are you guys doing the 5 or 10K?

It's already past midnight, and I'll be back up in less than seven hours. Fun.

I got my strength workout in today. I'm up to 15 pushups in a row again. I'd pat myself on the back, but I'm too sore.

I was spot on with my eating today...until dinner. Due to lack of time, we had pizza. We did one of those take-and-bakes you get from the grocery store and I had three pieces. The calories weren't good calories, but it was about as much as I consume in a normal dinner. Tomorrow will be better - we've got a plan in place.

That's about it. I'm out.

2008-08-11T11:41:00.000-07:00

I Love to Bake
I don't know what it is about baking that I love so much. Maybe it's because it takes me away from everything around me. When I'm measuring things out and mixing them together, I'm not thinking about stress. Maybe it's because I'm taking random ingredients and mixing them together to make something all my own. Maybe it's because I love the smell that fills the house when homemade goodies are in the oven. I'm sure it's a combination of the three.

It really sucks that I'm going to have to give it up.

This is something that I've let get out of control. I bake, I eat, I get fat. Shoot, that's how I launched myself into the heart of fatville. Over the holidays, I baked and ate, and that set me on a slippery path that I still haven't been able to escape.

I started last week with "Less Talk." (Well, "Less Talky," to be exact.) I had every intention of getting my butt back in gear. Running, doing my weight routine and eating right. Then I made a batch of sugar cookies. With frosting. What sucks is that I finally got it right and they tasted insanely good with the right consistency and everything. What sucks worse than that is that I tipped the scales at 190 this morning. 1 flipping 90. While a lot of that is because of my cheat day yesterday (the official one), had I not eaten the cookies, I wouldn't be 190 even with a cheat day.

Ugh. I'm so disgusted with myself. I'm disappointed in myself. I know I've got it in me to lose the weight. I've got it in me to just go out there and exercise. I've got it in me to control my portions and ease up on the sugar. I've got it in me.

Alright, I've done this a gazillion times before, but I'm going to do it again. Here are my goals along with my realistic exercise schedule (working with what I've got):

EXERCISE SCHEDULE
Mon/Wed/Fri: HIIT Cardio
Tue/Thu: 50 Pushups/Lunges/Triceps Extension, 100 Situps/Squats
Saturday: Distance running (at 2 miles right now)

GOALS
9/8: 180
10/6: 172
11/3: 164
12/1: 156

That gives me four months to lose 34 pounds. Completely attainable. I'm going to post my workouts every scheduled day. If I don't, get onto me, rip into me, call me fat, call my momma fat for crying out loud. I'm going to hold myself accountable to you guys. (Isn't that the point of FAT?) :)

In these next four months, I'm also going to give up baking goodies. There are two exceptions to the rule:

1. I'm baking for someone else and all the "proceeds" go to them
2. My baking is used for energy bars or a healthy snack

I'm going to get back to skinny. I'm so tired of swimming in this cesspool of lame excuses and lack of self-control.

*** TODAY'S WORKOUT ***
Suicides: 10 sets
1 set = Running from Wall A to Wall B (about 20 ft.) and back to Wall A 5x. Touching the floor at each wall.
Total time: 37s-40s
Rest: 1:20

2008-08-09T10:54:00.001-07:00

Workout: Running
2.35 miles
2 miles run, .35 miles walk

2008-08-07T11:44:00.000-07:00

Workout: Sprints
70-Yard Sprint (100% effort), walk back
8 reps
Best time: 13.97s (2nd rep)
Worst time: 15.23s (7th rep)

2008-08-04T06:31:00.000-07:00

This week, it's less talk and more action. I'll be back next week for the report.

2008-08-01T07:22:00.001-07:00

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.
ARGH! I do really well, then I'll have a day like yesterday that just throws everything off. I started off fine. I had coffee and a banana for breakfast, tuna salad sandwich for lunch (made with light salad dressing and loaded with grapes, celery and pecans) and turkey hotdogs on whole grain buns with baked red potatoes for dinner. Ok, so the hotdogs weren't great, but they were turkey dogs and had about half the fat/calories of regular hotdogs.

Anyway, Stupid Part 1 was after dinner. I had a meeting with a potential client at a local coffee shop. Instead of going with a bottled water or espresso (black), I decided to splurge a little since I was using their location as a meeting spot. I went with the Light Mocha Berry. The "light" was referring only to the color of mocha. But hey, they used skim milk! Wee. Having spent four freaking dollars on the thing, I had to drink it. Did I mention it had skim milk??

Stupid Part 2, 3 and 4 was when I got home. I had three freaking cupcakes. I know. Why the heck do I have cupcakes in the house? Because I love to bake! Ok, go ahead. Rip into me. I deserve it. Anyway, I lost all self-control. Ugh. I'm so disgusted with myself.

As stupid as yesterday was, four good things came out of it:

1. I didn't eat after 9. That's good, right?
2. There are no longer any cupcakes in the house.
3. I weighed as much this morning (after a bowl of cereal) as I did yesterday morning: 188.8.
4. I landed the design gig.

2008-07-30T18:30:00.001-07:00

Just a few quick things today:

1. New rule: no eating after 9pm. Succeeded last night and again tonight. I can do this.

2. I keep looking at my progression from fat to not-as-fat last year and every time, I get that tingling in the bottom of my stomach that makes me want to go out and do sprints. Now, I just have to get out and do those sprints...

3. I FINALLY did all my weight exercises (yesterday). 50 pushups, 100 situps, 50 lunges, 50 triceps extensions and 100 squats. I'm sore today, but not bad. Makes me think I can push myself a little harder.

4. I weighed in this morning at 187.6. I know it's not impressive, but after a 191+ weigh-in a couple days ago, I'll take it.

5. I feel like I'm getting back on track. Finally. It's weird, too. It's like, when I get my weight stuff on track, everything else seems to get on track. Good times.

2008-07-29T08:49:00.001-07:00

Take It Back...doo doo dute doo

June, 2007

July, 2007

August, 2007

September, 2007

October, 2007

Holy crap! If that doesn't light a fire under my butt, I don't know what will. What's encouraging is that I'm not that far off from a year ago. I dare say, I'm skinnier now than I was a year ago. So that's good. I felt like I had lost a lot of ground, which was one of the factors hindering my motivation.

What's even more encouraging is that August compared to September is unreal. I can do that. I can get back to my lightest in all of this and start setting new record lows.

2008-07-28T06:31:00.000-07:00

Just a Dab'll Do Ya
So I screwed up the weekend. Now it's time for some damage control. The cool thing is that my resolve isn't a result of remorse. (Don't get me wrong, I still feel bad about my choices this weekend.) This is an effort to avoid total derailment. I've got a goal to reach and this weekend only delayed my achievements. Now, it's time to get back up and keep moving forward.

Slightly off-topic, this weekend did produce something positive. Sort of. I found a decent hiking trail in Ortonville (bottom left, Bloomer #3). It's no Colorado trail, but I got a good 3-hour hike out of it. It's only 2.5 miles around the trail, but it has a trail that cuts through the center. So I went up the left side, cut down the center trail, then went around the right side and back down the center trail.

Pros:
Good workout
Decent hills, most of which I ran
Good stress relief
Beautiful trails

Cons:
Middle of Michigan summer
Middle of Michigan forest
No bug spray

So yeah, I came back looking like I contracted a severe case of chicken pox and was extra cautious about West Nile Virus symptoms (which happen to be headache, high fever, neck stiffness, stupor, disorientation, coma, tremors, convulsions, muscle weakness, and paralysis). (Not that I looked it up or anything.)

So far, so good.

My goals today:

50 pushups
100 situps
100 squats
50 lunges
50 triceps extensions

2008-07-23T07:19:00.000-07:00

Stupid Scale.

So I decided that weighing myself once a month is unwise. I have no way to gauge whether or not my efforts are fruitful. So yesterday, I stepped on the scale.

191.2

Then today, it was 190.4.

WHAT. THE. HECK?????

This is so freaking discouraging. As annoying as it is, I'm not giving up. I've still got that resolve to lose weight. In fact, I've got cookies sitting in the cabinet trying to persuade me to eat them. They're like "Eat us." and I'm like "Nuh uh. I'm fat because of you." Then they were like "No, seriously, we're good. We have sugar and M&Ms in us." Then I said "That's cool, but I'm not eating you. I'll feed you to the kids later." Then they started talking bad about my mom, so I walked away.

Ok, that was dumb. Anyway, I'm not going to dig into bad food just because the scale is retarded.

I just need to get exercise in. I've been doing a lot of freelance, and this week in particular has been pretty crazy. That's really good and I'm not complaining...I just haven't had the time I'd like for exercise. Kevin suggested that since I don't have an hour to set aside, take 30 seconds here and there to do pushups, situps, etc. Anything is better than nothing.

So my goal for today is to do 50 pushups (total), 100 situps, 100 squats, 100 lunges and 50 triceps extensions (the ones from that video on Susie's blog...those rock!).

2008-07-21T20:59:00.000-07:00

In the Words of Ice Cube,
Today Was a Good Day

Whole wheat pancakes for (late) breakfast with sugar-free syrup. That kept me full until Chicken Alfredo on whole wheat pasta with butternut squash for dinner. Topped it off with a couple Fudgsicles (no sugar added) for a grand total of 1,270 calories.

I was at Target, had the opportunity to grab junk food...but didn't. I'm tellin' ya, those horrible now pics are working like a charm!

2008-07-21T05:55:00.000-07:00

Back to Reality

Well, I took some pics last week, and here are the results. Man, I've slipped! Oh, and ignore the head...I just woke up. Ugh.

Anyway, here are my now pics. I'm trying to figure out if I want to do this weekly or monthly. I'm thinking weekly. It holds me more accountable.

2008-07-18T07:54:00.000-07:00

Another One Bites the Dust
Another perfect day. Just call me butter, I'm on a roll!

Here's the cool thing: I made cookies and didn't over-indulge!! That's my big weakness. I absolutely love to bake. Problem is, the foods that are fun to bake are no good for you. But instead of making the entire recipe, I cut it in half. And instead of eating 12 cookies, I only ate two. And, I was just over 1,400 calories for the day.

*** EDIT ***
Good workout. Susie posted an insane workout from YouTube and it looked interesting. So I tried it. I couldn't do a couple of the exercises - ok, a lot of the exercises due to lack of equipment and lingering shoulder injury, but what I was able to do was fun. In a masochistic kind of way. Oh, and we went on a nice walk after dinner for about half an hour. Good times.

2008-07-17T10:21:00.000-07:00

Day 3, Good. A Lifetime Left to Go.
Yesterday was a good day. A very good day. I kept my calories under 1,600 and with the exception of a beer (light), it was all healthy. I've got this.

Something I'm going to try to do is stay away from the scale for a month. I know that seems backwards, but it seems like when I lose a certain amount of weight, something clicks in my brain that hinders me from continuing the weight loss. It's like I lose six or seven pounds, then I'll let loose a little. Like I deserve a reward or something. Then I eat something to celebrate...and I keep celebrating...and celebrating until I'm back where I started. It's a vicious cycle!

So no scale for awhile. Maybe I'll start measuring again. That's going to be painful.

2008-07-16T07:24:00.000-07:00

I Suck!!
I was PERFECT yesterday...until dinner. It was an insanely stressful day topped off with a headache ALL day. I had whole wheat cereal with 1/2% milk for breakfast and broiled seasoned chicken with salad (with homemade red wine vinegar/olive oil dressing) for lunch.

Then dinner rolled around and going out to eat sounded very appealing. I caved and went to a Chinese buffet. ARGH!!

There's good and bad news with this. The bad news is obvious: I ate at a Chinese buffet. The good news is two-fold. First, I felt horrible about my decision. Recently, I've been at the point where I eat bad things and don't feel bad about it. That's a very dangerous place to be! Anyway, I felt awful about the decision. As a result, I was careful about what I ate. While I still indulged in the sodium-heavy foods Chinese buffets present, I didn't eat anything with breaded meat. I stuck to foods that had a balanced veggie/meat ratio. And I stayed away from fried rice, lo mein, etc. I did cave on the sushi, though. I love their sushi rolls, so I gave in and had some. But with the worst ingredient being a tablespoon of white rice, I could've done a lot worse.

Still.

I had Chinese buffet last night. I'm completely ashamed of myself! I know it's only been like two days, but I've been doing better. I know it sounds kind of retarded, but my mind is finally in the right place. I keep remembering how I felt and looked last summer when I was actually skinny. I don't just want to be there again, I crave it. Yeah, it's weird, but oh well.

Again, today's a new day. I've started it off right, I'm going to end it right this time.

2008-07-15T06:02:00.000-07:00

One Day at a Time
Well, after re-reading my last post, I came to the realization (again) that if I truly desperately want to be skinny again and start seeing new lows on the scale, then I'll choose to do so. I'll stop eating the sugar, I'll resist temptations to splurge on junk, I'll go for a walk or run or whatever instead of staying in and watching TV.

It seems so simple.

I can set goals and restrictions all I want, but if I don't choose to be skinny, then it won't do me a bit of good. As I'm sure you've guessed, I've completely strayed from the goals I had set about three weeks ago. Let's go through the list:

Three cheat meals. Went through those plus about five in the first two weeks.

Lose ten pounds. Ha. See the first failed goal.

Exercise six days a week. Yyyyeah. That lasted for about a week.

No alcohol. I actually did really well with this until we went to see family last weekend. Even then, I never went overboard. I did just enough to make a certain member who married into the family bearable.

So yeah. I suck.

That said, I started making good decisions yesterday. One decision at a time. My day was a 99% perfect and I went for a walk with the girls. I was very careful about sugar - making sure the only sugar I consumed was from fruit or other natural products. My only splurge was beer (only one). As good as my decisions were, I added up the calories. Uh, 2,004. Yikes!

So today's a new day. I'm going to keep track of the calories as I go so I can keep tabs and plan accordingly (crazy!).

2008-07-13T06:12:00.000-07:00

Stress Explained
Last night, there was an interesting story on the news. It was an explanation of stress's toll on weight loss. It made so much sense! The only problem is that I know the source of my stress and there's not a whole lot I can do right now to eliminate it.

This last week has been bad. No, I mean bad. I haven't been able to deal with/overcome the intense sugar cravings at night. Last night, however, I made banana bread and could have taken out a few slices, but I limited it to one slice. I know it's still not a great decision. Sugary bread at 11:30 at night. Yeah, not great at all. But I made a decision to only have once slice and I stuck to it.

I desperately want to be skinny again. I desperately want to hit new lows again. I desperately want to try on clothes that fit two weeks ago and have them be a little too loose.

I've just got to beat the stress.

2008-07-09T04:40:00.000-07:00

Back At It
So, in the midst of our financial crisis, what's the last thing we should do? Get a dog? Yep.

We got a dog. BUT, before you judge us, he was a free boxer on his way to the pound. He came with all the accessories and a month's worth of food, so we won't spend a dime on him for at least a month. He's about two years old and is trained on all levels and he doesn't chew on anything but toys, so there are no indirect costs for damages, etc. We got very lucky, actually! While from the outside, it looks like a dumb decision, Spike (not our name choice, for the record) actually serves as a really good distraction.

Anyway, getting a dog has made exercise fun again. We took Spike on a mile-ish family walk and this morning, I went for a two-mile run with him (2.35 miles, to be exact).

I'm going to head to the gym tonight to ride for an hour, and of course, eat right. The weekend really was motivating. While I wasn't the biggest person there, I certainly wasn't the smallest. I saw a video of me in my swimsuit...yeah, that was depressing! It served as good fuel to get my butt back in shape, though.

2008-07-05T05:22:00.000-07:00

Motivation?
We're going to see family that I haven't seen for about six months. I'm about 15 pounds heavier now. This is so opposite from a year ago! I was excited to see people because I had lost so much weight. I was anxious to see their response.

This is tough.

I think this will serve as the motivation I need to get my butt in gear.

2008-07-04T07:32:00.000-07:00

So Tired of Everything
I apologize in advance for the depressing post you're about to read. If you're not in the mood for it, please don't read it.

The stress is becoming unbearable, I've eaten myself fat, I have no self-control, I have no energy. I'm tired of this. We can't catch a break no matter how hard we try. Every attempt at normalcy gets shot in its tracks and I just can't do this anymore.

We moved out here for our dream job...a second chance to do what we do best. Kevin and I had the chance to work together where he writes and I design a sports magazine. While we were getting everything set up for that, I decided to take on the production of a coupon mailer. It was a means to the end, so despite overbearing (and mentally unstable) co-workers, power-trippers and insane hours that made my life a living hell, I could do it with my eye on the goal: the dream job. Well, that got delayed. Then delayed again. Meanwhile, the insane hours and impossible deadlines were increasing and bearing down on me. I began sacrificing time with my family, working late nights and early mornings and had to pass up on any planned activities because they inevitably fell on deadline weekends.

So I quit my job. I knew it jeopardized the chance of being involved with my dream job (which was getting no financial backing or sales support), but it was the right thing to do. Shoot, we weren't even getting our paychecks on time, and when we did finally get them, there was a good chance it wouldn't clear.

Besides, I had a part-time freelance gig set up, so leaving wouldn't be too huge of a blow. Yeah, things would likely be tight for awhile, but it would give me time to find something else until part-time became full-time. Kevin was still with the magazine, so we'd be fine.

Apparently, my decision impacted Kevin's job. Suddenly, his commitment to the project was being scrutinized, and ultimately doubted. That ended up leading to our being ousted from the project. We still have ownership, but the chances of our involvement are slim.

Now we're in a bad spot. Again. We've got past-due bills, an eviction scare and no real hope of a decent paycheck anytime soon.

We work so damn hard and get no reward. We work our freaking asses off only to get them handed back to us on the broomstick that was shoved so far up them.

Frustrated doesn't begin to describe how I feel right now. I just want life to shit or get off the pot. Either give me the fatal blow or stop punching me. But for the love of all that's holy, stop beating me up!

Why the hell can't we get call-backs for jobs within established organizations? Organizations who pay their employees on time and *gasp* offer such benefits as health insurance. Crazy! Why can't we pay all of our bills instead of having to choose the one that's most affordable? Why can't we go on a vacation - even a weekend getaway up north - to get away from the daily grind for a bit?

I just don't have any energy left to fight. To exercise. To eat right. To care about eating right. I'm not giving up. I'm not a quitter. I'm going to keep going until my legs give out from under me and I can't move them anymore. That said, I really need the crap to stop.

2008-07-03T08:11:00.000-07:00

New Plan
I think I'm going to stop pressuring myself into running. I dread the treadmill now, and I feel guilty if I don't get any miles in. I'm thoroughly bummed about this. I love (yet hate) running. It's the most effective exercise for me and I feel awesome afterwards, health-wise. However, my shin splints are getting worse. After I run, my shins are so sensitive to even the slightest touch (I mean that literally) for about a week. Just in time for me to start the process over.

I'm so frustrated about this. I wish I could just get on a treadmill and run like everyone else. Maybe as a compromise, I'll find some dirt/gravel trails and try running outside. Maybe that will help. I'm sure a new pair of shoes wouldn't hurt, either.

In the mean time, I'm going to stick to the bike and elliptical. I still get pretty good workouts from those. Shoot, a couple nights ago, I rode the bike and sweat was pouring off of me and my shirt was drenched (sorry for the graphic detail). :)

So that's my new plan.

2008-06-30T05:48:00.000-07:00

Crash and Burn?
Not quite, I guess. But this weekend wasn't great. I used up the rest of my cheat meals. So that's three cheat meals in a week. Great start, Beck. Great start. For what it's worth, I plan on keeping it 100% clean until July 22.

I've still been working out faithfully. However, I only did the one day of strength training (Jillian). Since I'm just now able to use my muscles again without pain, I'll start up strength training again this week. I'm going to try to do all three days!

I haven't been seeing the scale budge. That's frustrating. It's because of my food choices, though, so I only have myself to blame. I've been doing hour-long workouts for the past two days, and I plan on doing it again tonight, but stuffing my face with lots of horrible calories is thwarting my weight-loss efforts. Argh!

I'm still here. I'm still going strong, despite a few bumps. Here's how I look at it: I was simply getting the cheat meals out of the way. Yeah. That's what I was doing.

2008-06-27T05:54:00.000-07:00

What the F'ing F?
When I got back into this a week ago, I weighed in at 187.2. My weight steadily dropped to 185.6 on Wednesday and I was pretty happy with my progress. Then it jumped back up to 186.2 yesterday, but no big deal. I was well under my calories yesterday and I had a decent workout. I even resisted the urge to give in to late-night cravings. I figured today's weigh-in would reflect my good work.

I woke up, excited to step on the scale for the first time in months. When the number showed up in the little window, I wanted to throw the scale out the window! 188.2!!

WTF??

I know for a fact that sodium and carbs played a big part in my weigh-in. We had turkey hotdogs last night on whole grain buns with a side of seasoned red potatoes. As healthy(er) as the dinner was, there was still a ton of sodium. Over 700mg per hotdog (which we didn't discover until this morning) and season salt isn't exactly a low-sodium seasoning.

Ugh. I know why my weight is up, but it's still such a blow to my motivation. I've been perfect the last week on both exercise and eating fronts and the weight was coming off. And now, I'm a full pound OVER my initial weigh-in because of ONE not-so-great choice? That's screwed up.

This weight had better come off quickly.

2008-06-26T05:18:00.000-07:00

Ow.
I'm so sore! I only did half an hour on the bike last night due to time, but that was more than enough. Ugh, I'm waddling around like a pregnant woman because my sore body can't handle the motion of moving. It's pretty sad, actually.

But yeah, did the bike last night. The damn heart rate sensors didn't pick up my heart rate on the Fat Burn setting, so I had to switch to Manual (where the HR sensors DID work...dumb bike). I rode at level 10 with an RPM of 100-110 for half an hour. My heart rate leveled off around 145. Not a bad workout.

2008-06-24T11:29:00.000-07:00

Consider My Ass Kicked
Yeah, I did that Jillian Michaels workout. I watched it over the weekend and thought, "That's not so bad. I can do that."

That was a funny thought.

In my defense, my shoulder is still pretty sore (and evidently, weak) from an "injury" I got playing basketball. Yes, the NON-contact sport of basketball. Anyway, the workout today was constant shoulder work, so it made it tough. Plus, I'm still using my old shoes from last year, so my feet were pretty sore. Also, because I don't have hex weights, I had to resort to 5-lb weight plates. How ghetto is that??

It was a good workout, though. One workout down, one to go. I'll update this tonight after my 60-min cardio.

*** EDIT ***
I did my hour of cardio tonight and it felt good. Afterwards, of course. I ran for three miles (29:something), then did hills at 2.8-3.0mph. I started at an 8% incline and increased by 2% every minute until I hit 15%. I did that for two minutes. I did two sets of that, then ran for the remaining 10 minutes. It was good.

2008-06-23T21:23:00.000-07:00

My Shutter Got Stuck!

This always happens. I try to refocus, and it's like the gods of fat poor their grease of wrath upon me! I ate PERFECT today. I'd drink to that, but uh, yeah. I kinda gave that up for a month.

Anyway, I had full intentions of going to the gym tonight and hitting the bike for an hour. My ass wasn't thrilled with the idea, but the rest of me was. It was yet another stressful day (out of nowhere, too) and instead of wanting to veg on the couch all night, eating a pint of Ben & Jerry's, I actually wanted to go to the gym and sweat out some of the stress.

Long and stupid story short, I didn't have enough gas to get to the gym and back. So what did I do? I veged on the couch, eating Fudgecicles (No Sugar Added, of course).

So here's the plan: tomorrow morning, I'm going to do a Jillian Michaels workout session. Help me, God. Then, tomorrow night, I'm going to plant my booty onto a stationary bicycle and pedal for an hour.

And here's some advice: if you can't focus, throw the damn camera away. I'm not entirely sure how that applies to weight loss. Actually, it doesn't at all, really. It just seemed like a good way to end the blog.

Ok, I'm tired. G'night.

2008-06-22T10:43:00.000-07:00

Refocus
Lately, I've let my cravings rule and my discipline waver. I fell into the "tomorrow" trap...I'll eat perfect tomorrow...I'll exercise tomorrow...I'll drink my water tomorrow. That helped me justify the crap I was eating "today."

I've come to the realization (again) that I just need to tell myself no and stop giving into the crap cravings. I've got to get my fat butt off the couch and be active. Go to the gym, go for a walk, play with the girls. I've got to choose to eat healthy foods.

I've got to do a bit of refocusing. Here are some goals I came up with for this month:

1. No drinks for a month. From today until July 22, I'm not going to have any alcohol. Ugh, this is going to be tough. It's going to suck, actually. But drinking is a huge contribution to my cravings...and cavings.

2. Work out 6x a week. Three days will be 60-minute cardio workouts of my choice. Running, hiking, biking, elliptical...doesn't matter. I just need to do it for an hour. The other three days will be 30 minutes of cardio plus weight training. I actually found a good Jillian Michaels workout on OnDemand. I'm anxious to try that out! Looks intense.

3. Have only three cheat meals. There's no way I can eat 100% clean 100% of the time. I just don't function that way. So I'm allowing myself three calories-be-damned meals this month.

4. Lose 10 pounds. Yikes! That's going to be a tough one, but I can do it. I weighed in at 187.4 this morning, so I need to be no heavier than 177.4 by July 22.

Well, that's about it. Here's to a healthy month!

2008-06-20T12:15:00.000-07:00

Learning to Deal

Ok, the picture doesn't really have anything to do with my blog, but I thought it was funny and decided to share.

Anyway, I saw a picture of myself yesterday and was disgusted. Since I've gained weight, I've done the best I could to avoiding being the subject of photos. The ones I was in, I've done my best not to see.

Call it denial.

Well, yesterday was a good dose of reality for me. I'm fat again. My face is flabby, my arms are big (and not in a good way), my stomach is...ugh. I can either keep eating crap and avoiding the gym and end up back where I started over a year ago, or I can stop letting life get the best of me and just eat right and exercise.

It's not a huge surprise: I'm a stress eater. The stress has been non-stop for about six months now, so I've been burying a lot of my emotions in whatever disgusting foods I could get my hands on. There's no portion control, there's no regard for calories, there's not motivation to exercise. Stress. I know what the problem is, now I just need to figure out how to deal with it. Stress is always going to be there in some capacity. I've got to find some way to deal with it outside of food. I'm thinking of yoga or something like that. I don't really have the money (or confidence) for classes, so I'm going to see if they have anything good on OnDemand, or on DVD. Who knows if it will work. It can't hurt at this point. Maybe now that my life isn't crazed with deadlines, I can pick up drawing or painting again.

Ok, sorry for the rambly blog today.

2008-06-14T07:53:00.001-07:00

Stress, Stress, Go Away...

I feel like I'm stuck in the same freaking rut. Now it's not the job, it's other crap. I've been doing good about dealing with the stress and keeping my eating under control. I got down to 182 the other day, but after a slight drinking binge last night, I weighed in at 186 this morning. I just need to get out of the 180's. I have a feeling that will rekindle my drive.

Ugh. I've just got to keep plowing through this.

2008-06-09T18:48:00.000-07:00

I Quit.

Yep. I quit my job. It's the right thing for me. I was sacrificing so much for them, and it was merely a means to the end likely won't come. Now I'm focusing more on freelance, where I can set my own hours, and the only deadlines that I'm driven by are made by me. Deadlines that I can set more than two days in advance! Crazy concept, I know.

On the weight loss front, I've been eating very well and training for basketball. I've had to battle against the cravings for pizza (and when I "gave in," it was to homemade pizzas on whole wheat tortillas with grilled chicken and onions), but I've been winning.

Kevin and I decided to give ourselves three cheat meals each month. So we've got three meals we can go crazy on from now until July 7th. So far, we're still at 0. Good for us.

What else has been happening? Oh, I played a D1 women's basketball player (WNBA hopeful) on Friday. That was a blast! I sucked...only scored 6 in a game to 21, but hell, it was against a D1 women's basketball player. I'll take it.

That's pretty much it. Some goals I have to better my overall health...

- Get more sleep. Now isn't a good example. It's 1:00am.
- Do yoga or something. Not sure where to start with that, but I think something like that would help with the stress.
- Drink tons of water. Been doing that and it's been awesome. Except for the constant peeing.

That's about it for now. Ok. I've got a decent buzz going on right now and I'm tired, so I'm going to call it quits. I thought I'd check in with something a little more positive since my last post was kinda crazy.

Goodnight.

2008-06-05T21:34:00.000-07:00

Need. New. Job.
This job is freaking killing me. I'm way underpaid, way overworked, way over-stressed and way under-mined/respected/appreciated. I've got everyone else doing my job for me, but when the blame goes around for things not getting done correctly, guess who gets it? Moi.

ARGH.

Things really need to start looking up. I can't get out of this freaking rut. Every month, it's the same thing:

Week 1: Eat right (mostly), go to the gym every night. Get down to 185.

Week 2: Eat right (mostly), go to the gym every night. Get down to 182.

Week 3: Get treated like shit at work and blamed for every damn thing that goes wrong. Work insane hours to make sure I don't get treated like shit at work and blamed for every damn thing that goes wrong. Stuff my face with crap because of the stress. Jump back up to 185.

Week 4: Deadline week. Work 100+ hours, get no sleep, spend no time with my family, let the house go to pot, eat anything convenient (pizza, Chinese, etc), stuff my face with more crap, drink, get blamed for everything that goes wrong at work. Gain 10 pounds.

I've got to get out of this nightmare of a job. It started out as a potentially huge opportunity. But the wrong people are being put in place, and it's taking a massive turn for the worst. Now, not just my salary is suffering. I'm losing my mental health - the stress is seriously messing with my brain - and I've lost significant ground with my physical health. I have no time for what's actually important anymore.

This is such a nightmare.

Ugh. I'm sorry that my first blog in like a month is so negative. I'm just not feelin' the joy right now.

2008-05-24T14:37:00.000-07:00

Basketball n' Stuff

I don't have much time, but I thought I'd blog real quick since it's been awhile. I'm working out every day. I started a basketball training program (kind of like MTV's Made for MiSports), so I'm doing training geared toward that. I was sick last week with the cold from hell, so now that I'm over that, I'm going to start doing half an hour of cardio 6x a week and focus on pushups and crunches.

My theoretical workout will be five sets of the following (circuit):

10 pushups
10 situps or crunches
10 oblique crunches (each side)
10 leg raises
30 mins cardio (running at least 3x/week)

Should be interesting.

I'm finally getting a handle of my food. It still hasn't been perfect, but I'm making much better choices and working on portion control.

My goal is to get out of the 180's by next week. For good.

2008-05-15T21:12:00.000-07:00

Checkin' In...

ARGH! What do you know? I'm STILL stuck at effing 185ish, depending on the day. I'm faithful at the gym, but my eating is freaking horrible!

There's a huge part of me (get it? "Huge"? Cuz I'm a fatass?) that wants to make promises that today it ends. That starting tomorrow, I'm hitting the reset button and won't touch another unhealthy thing for a month. Why bother? Promises don't mean shit. Actions do.

So no more promises. Only actions.

2008-04-27T07:12:00.000-07:00

The Wagon
I kind of fell off of it the last week. Not by choice...just more unrealistic deadlines. I worked for about 11 days straight - most of them 14 or 15 hours or more. I pray to God we get structure soon. This is going to kill me!

Anyway, I didn't eat horribly, just conveniently. I had pizza, sweets, and stuff like that and I haven't been to the gym in a week. The good thing is that I actually MISS the gym. I wish I could go there. I'll go later today to pick up where I left off. I'm going to start up running again (I started doing low-impact workouts for the shin splints).

I'm also going to try to take my running outside. The weather's finally nice and dear Lord, I need a tan! I'm planning on taking running clothes to work and run in Troy after work. I'm still not certain I wouldn't get shot if I ran in my neighborhood.

So that's what's going on. Sure, I won at the buffet, but the days following were a pretty bloody battle - which I lost for the most part.

Oh, here's another thing. My goal date is coming up in two weeks. We've got to attend a hip, cocktail-attire party with big-wigs on May 9th. I've got to fit into a cocktail dress...and look good in it. I'm going to eat 100% clean for the next two weeks and stick to my routine in the gym. I'm also considering not weighing myself for those two weeks. I get so frustrated when I don't see the results I think I deserve because of how hard I work. If I don't have that distraction, it might help my efforts. We'll see.

*** EDIT ***
I just looked at the intermediate half marathon training regimen. Why the hell haven't I been doing this?? I'm going to start this tomorrow. I think until I get new shoes (birthday? Hint, hint, Kevin) :), I'm going to switch out a couple of the runs with elliptical training to avoid shin splints.

2008-04-21T16:51:00.000-07:00

I Got Into a Fight With the Chinese Buffet...

...and I won.

Can't blog long - crazy schedule. But I'm still going strong.

2008-04-19T06:02:00.000-07:00

Good or Bad?
Weight: 182.0
Breakfast: Whole wheat toast with Heart Smart Light spread

Workout: None (yet)

Notes: Well, I'm happy with my weigh-in considering last night's bad choices. It should have been much higher, in my opinion, but I'll take it.

Here's what happened: I was in bed at 2:30 that morning, back up at 7 and had an intense workday. I ate mostly well throughout the day (minus a couple Tootsie Pops), but when 4:30 hit, I was starving, stressed and tired, so I gave in to ordering pizza. I had every intention of only eating only two to three slices and call it quits for the day.

So the pizza came, I had two slices and a breadstick, then gave in to one more slice. Three slices. Then I worked some more, got more stressed and had a cocktail. To keep the buzz going, I had a beer. Then another beer. The bad thing about a buzz for me is that I get so incredibly snacky. I had one more slice of pizza, a handful of animal crackers, three strawberries and a tiny pack of sour Skittles. I didn't add up the calories (not even mentally) and I knew my weight was going to be ugly this morning. I almost didn't weigh in, but to make myself sick enough to never do what I did last night again, I stepped on the scale. 182 on the nose.

So I can't figure out if I'm happy about that or mad. I'm happy that it was lower than yesterday's weight (182.4) despite the junk I crammed into my mouth. I'm pissed at myself because without that junk, I could have realistically weighed in under 180. I think this is worse than a high weigh-in.

2008-04-17T23:02:00.000-07:00

Quick Hits

- Deadline week. Sucks.
- Haven't missed a workout yet.
- Eating has been spot on.
- I hit 181.8 on Tuesday, back up today. Hoping for 181 again (or lower!) tomorrow.
- I'm replacing running with the elliptical to help relieve my shin splints. It totally sucks!
- It's freaking 2am and I'm dead tired.

- Goodnight.

2008-04-15T16:48:00.000-07:00

TUESDAY
Weight: 183.8
Calories: 1,663

Breakfast: Banana, Clif bar, fish oil supplement
Lunch: Strawberry Walnut Salad, fish oil supplement
Snack: Animal crackers
Dinner: Marinated pork chops, mixed veggies, brown rice

Workout: Treadmill
1.5 mi at 6.2mph
0.5 mi at 6.5mph
0.5 mi at 7.0mph
0.4 mi at 6.2mph
0.1 mi at 10.0mph

MONDAY
Weight: Don't remember
Calories: 1,423

Breakfast: Fiber One cereal, fish oil supplement
Lunch: Tomato bisque, saltine crackers
Dinner: Homemade chicken pot pie
Snack: Whey protein shake (post-workout)

Workout: Strength Training + Cardio
Pushups: 2 sets, 10 reps; 1 set, 5 reps.
Dumbbell Curls: 12.5 lbs; 3 sets, 15 reps.
Dumbbell Triceps Extensions: 30 lbs; 3 sets, 15 reps.
Vertical Knee Raises (legs fully extended on lift): 3 sets, 15 reps.
Seated Cable Rows: 70 lbs; 3 sets, 15 reps.
Oblique Crunches: 3 sets, 20 reps each side.
Crunch/Triceps Ext w/Medicine Ball: 10 lbs; 3 sets, 25 reps.

Treadmill: 0.5 mi at 6.4mph, 0.5 mi at 7.0mph

Notes: Man, I've gotta keep combining my days. They seem to slip away before I have time to blog! It's deadline week, though...so there you go.

Something to note, I'm taking fish oil supplements (thanks for the suggestion, Marcol) and they seem to be having a positive impact. Of course, so does not running 8 miles all at once. Shin splints, on the other hand, are a different story.

2008-04-13T13:00:00.000-07:00

Not Going Back!

SUNDAY
Weight: 185.6
Calories: 1,562
Breakfast: Whole wheat pancake, sugar-free syrup, milk (1/2%), coffee (black)
Lunch: Tomato bisque (homemade)
Dinner: Teriyaki chicken and broccoli on brown rice
Snack: Handful of Cocoa Puffs (dry)

Workout: Treadmill
3.95 mi at 6.0 mph
0.10 mi at 10.0 mph

SATURDAY
Weight: Don't remember
Calories: Didn't count
Breakfast: None
Lunch: Peanut butter sandwich on whole wheat
Bad Decision #1: Old Country Buffet
Bad Decision #2: Cocoa Puffs
Bad Decision #3: Slice of cake

Workout: Elliptical
30:00 on Fat Burn setting
Target HR: 160
15:00 Raise HR to 160
15:00 Maintain HR of 160

FRIDAY
Weight: 183.6
Calories: Didn't count
Breakfast: Fiber One cereal with 1/2% milk
Lunch: Strawberry Walnut Salad
Dinner: Pizza and Crazy Bread
Dessert: Cake and butter mints

Workout: None (rest)

Notes: So here's the thing. I suck. (Although, not as bad as I have been the last few months.) I let a few bad decisions get the better of me and my weight suffered this morning. The cool thing is that I'm not letting that pull me back into my rut. Yeah, I made some really bad decisions. However, I've been staying on course with my workout schedule, I'm giving 100% on my workouts, and I'm back to eating healthy today. Even counting calories!! (Thank you for taking the initiative on that one, Kev. I DESPISE counting calories, but your counting makes my counting much more bearable.)

This week is another week. More decisions, more challenges. There's no reason I can't make each decision a good one and overcome each challenge.

Oh, a couple more things. First, no annoying people today! :) Second, today's run was awesome. They had the Pistons game on, and I had good tunes to run to. That really helped shift my focus from negative to positive and made the run go by fast. I love it when that happens!

2008-04-10T21:38:00.000-07:00

Like, OMG!
Weight: 183.6

Breakfast: Fiber One cereal with 1/2% milk
Lunch: Strawberry Walnut Salad (check out the recipe below. It's awesome!)
Dinner: 2 Shredded BBQ chicken sandwiches (whole wheat buns)
Snack: Handful of animal crackers

Workout: Strength + Treadmill
Pushups: 2 sets, 10 reps; 1 set, 5 reps.
Curls: 12.5 lbs; 3 sets, 15 reps.
Dumbbell Triceps Extension: 30 lbs; 3 sets; 15 reps.
Vertical Knee Raise (legs extended): 3 sets, 20 reps.
Seated Cable Row: 70 lbs; 3 sets, 15 reps.
Back Raises: 10 lbs; 3 sets, 20 reps.
Oblique Raises: 3 sets, 20 reps each side.

Treadmill: 3 miles
30:00 at 6.0 mph
0.10 mile at 10.0 mph

Notes: First things first: salad.

Strawberry Walnut Salad
- 2 cups green leaf lettuce
- onions (strips) to taste
- 3 strawberries, sliced
- 1/4 cup feta cheese (I found reduced fat...woohoo!)
(blue cheese works, too, but I can't find a reduced fat version)
- 3 tbs to 1/4 cup walnuts, halves or chopped
- 2 tbsp popppyseed dressing (they seriously need to make a light version of this!!)

Awesome, awesome salad. You can also substitute the strawberries with green apple slices. That's actually where I got the recipe from. A bagel place out here does an apple walnut salad that's really good.

Anyway, about my workout. I was pretty apprehensive about it. Don't know why. I mean, it's only three miles and the strength routine isn't killer by any means. Well, the pushups suck. And so do the oblique raises. I guess I was afraid that I was going to be tired after strength training and that running was going to be boring and no fun. I can't have running be a chore. But everything seemed to fly by. I was done with my strength training in what seemed to be no time at all. And three miles came and went. So all in all, it was a good workout. My hips and knees hurt. Man, I'm old!!!

Oh, speaking of old. There were these young whippersnappers at the gym who annoyed the freaking crap out of me. Hmm, there seems to be a trend. I go to the gym and there are annoying people there. Must be the time of day. Or night. Anyway, strength training was okay. No valley girls there. Like, weights are soooooo hard and they might like, break a nail. There was a smelly guy, but oh well. It's a gym. ANYWAY, I go to the treadmill and start running. Everything's fine. Awesome. Then these two girls come in giggling and blabbing away in high-pitched voices. They pick up the latest style magazine and select the two treadmills next to me. There are 10 other empty treadmills, but they pick the two right by me. Awesome. They're going on and on about how the one girl told the guy to call the other girl and now the other girl doesn't really think they're boyfriend and girlfriend. Like OMG! I know, right?? They stopped walking after about five minutes, so that was good.

Wow, all I'm doing lately is complaining about my gym experience. I swear it's not a bad experience. Just snippets of annoying people.

2008-04-10T16:37:00.000-07:00

WEDNESDAY
Weight: 184.8

Breakfast: None
Lunch: Kashi Bar
Snack: Party Trail Mix (sesame sticks, pretzels and peanuts)
Dinner: Homemade chicken lo mein
Dessert: Cocoa Puffs cereal

Workout: Cross Training
30:00 Elliptical, L8 (last 4:00 at L10)
5:00 Cooldown

Notes: It's been busy, so I'm playing catch-up here. Last night's workout was good. I found myself looking forward to the non-impact workout. Tonight is strength plus three miles. It should be interesting. I'm still trying to figure out what I want to do first. Probably strength then finish up with running.

By the way, Rob, I still haven't thrown out the cookies. However, I haven't had any for like two days. They're just sitting there begging me to eat them and I'm all like "No." Feeling pretty proud of myself right now. ;)

2008-04-08T20:13:00.000-07:00

Annoying People on Cell Phones

Weight: ?

Breakfast: Fiber One cereal with 1/2% milk
Lunch: Leftover chicken pot pie filling (made into stew)
Snack: Carrots with ranch dip
Dinner: Turkey burgers (2)
Dessert: Cookies (4 small)

Workout: Treadmill
3 mi total
2:00 at 7.0 mph
0.1 mi at 10.0 mph
The rest at 6.0-6.4 mph

Notes: A couple things. First, I don't know why, but I found myself getting very annoyed at the chick working out behind me. The cardio equipment faces the window at the front of the gym. At night, you can see everything behind you in the window's reflection. Anyway, this chick was barely pedaling on the recumbent bike - maybe 40-50 rpm - and the entire half hour of my workout, she was gabbing away on her cell!! I mean, it didn't affect me. I couldn't hear her conversation - my music was cranked. I don't know what it was about the whole thing that just irritated the crap out of me. I think part of it was that I'm the chubby chick hauling ass on the treadmill, sweating my body weight out (I wish), and she's this skinny little person who sat down on a bike and talked on the phone and called it a workout. Ok, getting over it....getting over it...getting ooooooveeeer it...done. Over it.

Onto the next thing. Crap. I forgot what the next thing was.

Completely unrelated. The TV's on right now and literally every other commercial is for food. What the hell? NONE of these damn places are even open. Why the hell are they advertising their crap???

2008-04-07T20:03:00.000-07:00

A Day at a Time

Weight: Couldn't do it.

Breakfast: Nothing (better than cookies)
Lunch: Kashi bar, Clif bar
Mid-Afternoon Snack: plain bagel (better than...ok, no it's not)
Dinner: Homemade chicken pot pie

Workout: Strength (upper body) + cardio
Pushups: 2 sets, 10 reps; 1 set, 5 reps.
Dumbbell Curls: 12.5 lbs; 3 sets, 15 reps each side.
Dumbbell Triceps Extention: 30 lbs; 3 sets, 15 reps.
Vertical Knee Raises: 3 sets, 20 reps.
Back Raises: 10 lbs; 3 sets, 20 reps.
Seated Cable Rows: 1 set, 15 reps (forgot to add it into my last two circuits)
Oblique Raises: 3 sets, 20 reps each side.

Treadmill: 1 mi at 6.0 mph

Notes: First, there's still a plateful of cookies sitting on my kitchen counter. Guess how many I've had today? 0. Second, my workout was good and all, and I was excited about the strength-only day. However, when I was done with weights, I felt like it wasn't enough. I was worn out...I worked hard. I just felt like I could've done more. So I jumped on the treadmill and ran a mile.

Speaking of running, I'm thinking about getting some glucosamine sulfate for my old-ass joints. But I'm not sure if it even works, much less works well. They're not cheap and I don't want to fork out all that money on something that might work. Shoot, I can spend that money on fat clothes so I have something to wear! ;)

Anyway, on to the point of my blog today...I'm taking this one day at a time. Today was a fairly controlled eating day. The exercising is definitely helping. Tomorrow's another day full of more challenges. Here's hoping I'm strong enough to kick those challenges where it hurts!

I have no idea what that means.

2008-04-06T21:10:00.000-07:00

Eater's Remorse

Weight: 185.6

Breakfast/Lunch: 2 Breakfast Burritos (turkey sausage, eggs, fat-free cheddar, potatoes, whole wheat tortilla)
Dinner: McDonalds snack wrap, handful of fries
Snacking: 1 slice pizza, lots of cookies

Workout: None

Notes: As you can see, I'm still having serious problems with what I'm eating (or, more appropriately, what garbage I'm shoveling into my mouth). Grrr. As a result of the resulting shame, I've put together a 12-week workout plan. I really think that if I get a normal workout routine again, the diet will follow. Like, I won't want to undo everything I work so hard for. Maybe. I don't know. You'd think that after running 8 miles, I wouldn't have eaten pizza for dinner. I'm a fattard.

Anyway, here's my routine this week (starting tomorrow - Monday):

Monday: Strength Training (upper body)
Tuesday: 3 mi Run
Wednesday: 30:00 Cross Training
Thursday: 3 mi Run + Strength Training (upper body)
Friday: 30:00 Cross Training
Saturday: Rest
Sunday: 4 mi Run

Gotta do something. This is getting out of control. I'm losing ground...fast.

2008-04-05T10:37:00.000-07:00

Hell Yeah!

Weight: No idea. Didn't torture myself today.

Breakfast: Banana
Mid-Morning Snack: Peanut butter sandwich (whole wheat)

Workout: Treadmill
1:30:00ish; 8 F***ING MILES!
4 mi at 6.0 - 6.2 mph
4 mi at 5.6 - 5.8 mph

Notes: Eight miles on the treadmill today!!! That felt freaking awesome! I went so long that the treadmill was automatically cooling down on me. Around 6 miles, I had to keep interrupting the cooldown. That's good, right?

It's coming back. I can feel it.

*** EDIT ***

OW!

2008-04-04T07:50:00.000-07:00

No Reward

Weight: 184.4

Workout (last night)
Treadmill: 1 mile at 6.0 mph

Pushups: 5
Dumbbell Chest Press: 25 lbs each arm; 3 sets, 15 reps.
Dumbbell Curls: 15 lbs each arm 1 set, 12.5 lbs each arm, 2 sets; 3 sets, 15 reps.
Dumbbell Triceps Extension: 30 lbs; 3 sets, 15 reps.
Situps w/Medicine Ball Toss: 6 lbs; 3 sets, 20-30 reps.
Seated Cable Rows: 60 lbs; 3 sets, 15 reps.

Treadmill: .5 mile at 6.0 mph.

Meals
Breakfast/Mid-Morning Snack: Banana
Lunch: Apple Walnut Salad, half of a Classic Turkey sandwich on whole grain
Dinner: Turkey burger (2), corn on the cob (1/4 cob), light beer
Post-Workout: Protein shake (scoop of whey protein, 1 banana, 1 c. 1/2% milk, ice)

Notes: Well, those weren't the results I was expecting this morning. I could understand a pound, but two?? I was 99% spot on yesterday with my eating (beer being the only exception, and even then it was a light beer). I worked out hard. I drank a ton of water.

I mean, there are things I'm trying to take into consideration. I did work out hard and I'm sore today. So my muscles are retaining water. I also did drink a ton of water yesterday and there's no way I've peed it all out yet. And I did have two turkey burgers. I probably went over my calories.

That's another thing. I know I need to be counting calories, but I hardly have time to breathe, much less log every bit of food I eat. I know it's a lame excuse, but this needs to be simple for me. I'm still trying to figure that out. I guess what it boils down to is, what I'm doing now isn't working. I can't expect different results if I keep doing the same things.

Ok, that's all. Anything more will just be rambling.

2008-04-02T21:05:00.000-07:00

Randomness

Weight: 183.2

Notes: Man, I'm finding it so hard to find blog time! My lack of blogging hasn't been a reflection on my gym time, though. Hey, better to be kicking ass in the gym than blogging on my couch, right?

I'm still struggling with food, though the last few days have held more victories than defeats. It started with Monday. It was grocery time, so no food. We stopped at Old Country Buffet. I know, I know. But check it out. I only had two plates of food (ha, only) and it was all salad and fruit!! The worst thing I had was a taco salad, but I went light on the sour cream, splurged on the shell bowl (those things are impossible to resist!) and opted for grilled chicken instead of ground beef. Oh, and I had a small bowl of chicken noodle soup. Prior to that, my day was pristine!

Tuesday's meals consisted of a donut (either that, or eat nothing till dinner), then chili and cornbread for dinner.

Today was a little worse. It started out great with a Kashi bar for breakfast. Then I shared the mac and cheese I made the girls for lunch, but it was only like 1/2 cup. MAYBE 3/4 cup. I got snacky and had two cheese cracker sandwich things. Then I had a granola bar. Then another. Then I had Teriyaki beef and broccoli on brown rice. Oh, and a handful of animal crackers. Okay, today was pretty bad.

But here's the exercise I've done...

MONDAY
Dumbbell Presses: 25 lbs each arm. 3 sets, 15 reps.
Dumbbell Curls: 15 lbs each arm. 3 sets, 15 reps.
Dumbbell Triceps Extension: 30 lbs. 3 sets, 10 reps.
Vertical Knee Raises: 3 sets, 20 reps.
Dumbbell Rows: 22.5 lbs each side. 3 sets, 15 reps.
Back Raises: with 10-lb dumbbell. 3 sets, 20 reps.
Oblique Raises: 3 sets, 20 reps each side.

Sprints: 2:00 warmup at 6.0 mph.
0:30 at 8.0 mph, 1:30 rest.
0:30 at 9.0 mph, 1:30 rest.
0:30 at 10.0 mph, 1:30 rest.
0:30 at 10.2 mph, 1:30 rest.
0:30 at 10.4 mph, 1:30 rest.
0:30 at 10.6 mph, 1:30 rest.
0:30 at 10.8 mph, 1:30 rest.
0:30 at 11.0 mph, nearly vomited.
2:00 cooldown at 3.5 mph.

TUESDAY
Elliptical: 30:00 at L8.

TODAY
Rest.

So all-in-all, not bad. But still not great. There are a couple things I want to work on. First, I want to be in the gym 5-6 days a week. Very doable. Second, I want to limit the alcohol. I've kind of been using it as a crutch lately in the sense that I have a bad or stressful day, and that calms me down. I can go exercise and calm down, as weird as that sounds. I shouldn't be using things for comfort that, in excess, are bad for my body (food, sugar, alcohol). If I'm having a bad day, I need to learn to lift my mood by going for a run or throwing on some AC/DC or GNR. This is tough.

2008-03-29T09:42:00.000-07:00

Make It Stop!

Weight: 183.6 (after food/workout)

Breakfast: Can't remember
Lunch: Roast beef sandwich on whole wheat
Dinner: Turkey burger with veggies
Drunken cave-in: Pizza

Workout: Upper Body
Dumbbell Bench Press: 22.5 lbs each arm. 2 sets, 15 reps.
Curls: 15 lbs each arm. 2 sets, 15 reps.
Dumbbell Triceps Extension: 25 lbs. 2 sets, 15 reps.
Vertical Knee Raise: 2 sets, 20 reps.
Dumbbell Row: 22.5 lbs. 2 sets, 15 reps.
Weighted Back Raises: 15 lbs. 2 sets, 15 reps.
Oblique Raises: 2 sets, 20 reps each side.
Assisted Pullups: 100 lbs. 1 set, 5 reps.

Elliptical: 5:00 at L10, 2:00 cooldown.

Notes: These numbers are for yesterday. I'll try to blog later about today. Workout was good. Assisted pullups is my new love/hate exercise.

More random venting...
The stress at work just won't go away. Basically, the power-hungry used-to-be executive who thinks she's still the owner of the universe butted into the production and is attempting to completely change everything we've worked so hard on. Some changes are legitimate, the other 96% of changes are just her trying to flex what little muscle she has. Luckily, I was the one who got to meet with her at freaking 11:00 last night to go over these changes that I likely won't even make. That's the thing with her (and one of the many reasons everyone's trying endlessly to squeeze her out of her position) - nothing is productive. I have 2-hour long meetings with her where NOTHING gets accomplished. I'm not exaggerating to make a point, either. I literally walk away from meetings with her having gained absolutely nothing.

She needs to go away. She's a freaking drama queen and my blood pressure raises at least 60 points (or however you measure blood pressure) just by her walking into the room. Everything is a crisis with her, she's not a problem solver - only a problem maker. Argh. She gots to go! This stress is NOT helping with my weight loss (although, it does fuel a good workout, coincidently on the heavy bag).

2008-03-27T18:31:00.000-07:00

So Frustrated

Weight: 181.0 (definitely not frustrated with that)

Breakfast: Cheese crackers
Lunch: Reese's Pastel Eggs
Dinner: Frosted shredded wheat

Workout: None

Notes: Well, that's not exactly the prime example of a healthy diet. I'm so frustrated because it's like the second I make the decision to go hard and freaking get on track, that's when I fall the hardest.

What the hell??

I'm back on the horse again tomorrow. I'm so tired of eating like this and feeling sluggish and pudgy. It definitely helped to see the 181 on the scale. I thought it would have been the opposite. That seeing that number would have, in a sense, excused my behavior. Instead, I feel like I didn't lose too much ground and I have a second chance (or 82nd chance, depending on how you look at it) to make this right.

On a completely random note, we went to print today with one of the magazines I do and it was a third of the stress and drama it usually is. Very long story short, one of the other executives had no idea how to manage a team and I was getting a lot of the blame (publicly) for her mistakes. I and several others stood up to her and basically got her ass demoted big time. Like, bottom of the totem pole demoted. So that meant that for this issue of the magazine, she was told to butt out. Not having her in the equation made life SO much easier. There were still late nights and stressful moments. There were still bad food choices (see above) and skipped workouts. However, I can manage this. Knowing that next month will (hopefully) be better, I can better prepare for crunch week and not make so many dumb decisions.

2008-03-25T20:34:00.000-07:00

Getting Back on Track

Weight: 183.6 (ugh!)
Water: 50ish oz

Breakfast: Banana, Kashi Go Crunchy Bar
Lunch: Homemade Strawberry Walnut Salad with poppyseed dressing
Dinner: Pizza (3 slices), cheesy bread (2 sticks)

Workout: Elliptical
30 mins at various speeds, mostly Level 10.
Last 5:00 HIIT - 0:30 on, 0:30 off.

Notes: I'm getting there. Slow but sure. You wouldn't know it by the pizza I had for dinner...but only three slices. That's a new record for me!!! (Well, lately, anyway.) I was so close to not going to the gym. I had stuff that had to get done, and the gym was going to close at 11. So I made myself stop, get my lazy ass upstairs and into my gym clothes, and went. I'm telling you, that's the hardest part sometimes! I only had about 45 mins, so I hopped on the elliptical and went to town. All in all, it wasn't a horrible day.

Oh, by the way, that salad I had for lunch was freakin' awesome! Romaine, strawberries, onions, walnuts and blue cheese, topped with poppyseed dressing (sparingly...that stuff's not diet-friendly!). Mmmm!

2008-03-24T22:19:00.000-07:00

New Goal, New Blog

Weight: No idea
Calories: No idea - not too many over, I don't think.
Water: 30 oz
Workout: Treadmill
30:00, 3.25 mi

Notes: I worked out today. First time in awhile. The cool thing is it's in the midst of more insane deadlines. E for effort, I guess.

I sucked bad on the treadmill. The first mile was okay - I was doing 6.4 mph, then the second mile hit and it hit hard. I managed to get in over 3 miles (barely with rests), and I finished up the last tenth of a mile at 11mph. I felt like I was going to hurl. A) I didn't and B) I didn't stop when I felt like it.

Also, I'm done with this soft goal of 145. I'm going for 135, so that puts me at about 50 pounds to lose. Damn. That's a lot. Oh well, I've got the number in front of me, and this is my final goal. Final fifty, if you will.

2008-03-17T21:32:00.000-07:00

Still Struggling

I'm not sure why, but I'm avoiding going to bed. It's not an intentional thing, it's just every time I start to turn the computer off, I think of something else I'd rather do. Weird.

Anyway, I've been scarce lately in Bloggerland, but that doesn't mean I haven't been hitting the gym. I went yesterday with a girl from work and again tonight at like 10:00. I couldn't access the row of ellipticals (don't ask), so I got on something that looked close enough. It was one of those cross-trainers. Man, I hate those things! They work you like a mother! It was a good half-hour workout. I was feeling kinda queezy going in (I'll explain in a minute), so I didn't want to do a high-impact workout on the treadmill and throw up.

So yeah, feeling queezy. That was because I had an entire bag of cherry sours. It was those smaller $0.99 bags that you get at Target, but still. About 1,000 calories in one sitting. UGH!!!!!! Why can't I get out of this funk. Wait. Let me rephrase: why won't I choose to get out of this funk???? Seriously, I'm a fattard! At least I worked out, but still, how much better would my day have been had I not eaten the ENTIRE bag of candy? A few pieces? Fine. A whole bag. Ugh.

I really need to get back into the healthy groove. This sucks. It's really taking its toll on me.

2008-03-14T18:46:00.000-07:00

Enough...
Is enough. I'm so freaking sick of being a fattard. What is a "fattard," you ask? A fat retard. Pardon the political incorrectness. I know what to do, yet I either don't do it, or do the polar opposite. For example, exercise. Don't do it. I'll go downstairs and hit the bag every now and then, but nothing consistent. Eating? I know what I should do, but I do the polar opposite. Oh, I SHOULDN'T go to a buffet? Hmmm, what should I do? Let's see. How about I choose between a Chinese buffet or Old Country buffet and stuff my freaking face until I'm on the verge of vomiting.

Yeah. Fattard.

I'm joining a gym tomorrow. It sucks to say, I can't afford the Troy Rec center. Not for an entire family - which is what I'd have to do to make it work for me. And Kevin. Fitness 19 has an incredible deal going on right now that we're going to sign up for tomorrow. $19/month for Kevin. $12/month for me. $10/month unlimited daycare for one kid. $5/month for the second kid. That's $46/month for those of you keeping track at home. There's a $49 "Processing Fee" (aka "We want your money and can't think of anything more clever than 'processing fee' to get it" fee). But whatever. I'll take this fee over the other "fees" out there.

Plus, a girl at work is a member of the Fitness 19 near me...so built-in workout buddy.

I've had enough. It's time to get my butt in gear for summer. I actually live near water. Gotta get that beach bod I've always wanted.

Oh, one more thought I'm entertaining...

Adventure Racing

2008-03-07T21:14:00.000-08:00

Week 2 or 3 or something like that | Friday
Weight: 178.4

More Boxing

Workout: Total Body
Agility Ladder - Walking Pushups: 5 sets, 6 reps
Agility Ladder - Jump Squats: 5 sets, 12 reps
Unassisted Situps (as in, no foothold): 5 sets, 25 reps
Heavybag: 3 mins (what the heck? Let's throw it in!)
Stairs: 10 mins, no rest.

Notes: Eh, not much to say. But I'm a bit on the drunk side.

Long day.

Unassisted situps (the ones where I don't put my feet under anything...I guess that's what they're called) are much harder than regular situps. That's good, though.

2008-02-23T19:50:00.000-08:00

Week 1 | Saturday
Weight: 178.8

Workout: Heavy Bag
35:00
3:00 rounds, 0:30 rest; 10 rounds.

Notes: Yeah yeah yeah, we took pictures of us boxing. That's great. Woohoo. You want to know what I'm focused on? I didn't realize how much weight I'd actually gained...visually. I've got pictures from this summer where I'm skinny. I'm actually skinny. I'm fit, athletic and I just look healthy. Then I saw these pics and I look frumpy and pasty.

I'm dying to run. I posted this in the FAT forum, but here it is again. I found my half marathon. I requested to be sent info today as well as a training guide. I'm stoked to get back out on the streets and run. This constant snow and constant financial crap is really getting to me. I need to get my legs moving again!!!

Ok, I hate to be so negative, so let's end on a positive note: I'm back down to 178.8 after those drinks the other night. I'm going to lose 5 pounds this week. Next Saturday, I'll be 173.8.

Oh, and here are more pics of boxing and stuff.

Our Gym

Puttin' On the Gloves

Quick Stretch

My Right Hook

Cross

Jab

Aaaand Another Right Hook. (I like those.)

Please note, that under normal circumstances, I wouldn't have gotten pink boxing gloves. That's just...girly. But when I bought them, a percentage of the purchase went toward the cure for breast cancer.

2008-02-22T19:42:00.000-08:00

Week 1 | Friday
Weight: 179.2
Calories:
Water: 40 oz

Workout: None

Notes: I'm hanging in there. I've been horrible about keeping track of calories. It's been yet another insane work week, so I'm doing what I can to eat healthy and not turn to crap because of the stress.

Now, to clarify, I said I was going to EAT 100% healthy. Not drink 100% healthy. I know it's automatically part of the deal and I've been limiting the alcohol to a glass of wine (maybe 5 oz) a day. But yesterday was such a stressful day and I just needed to unwind, so I had a couple of cocktails. I was actually happy with my weight this morning (noting that one of the drinks amounted to almost 1,000 calories...something that I didn't realize until AFTER I consumed it).

I'm still going. And going pretty strong.

Completely random thought for the day: I miss running. BAD!

2008-02-20T08:39:00.001-08:00

Week 1 | Wednesday
Weight: 179.2
Calories: 230
Water: 76 oz

Workout: Heavy Bag
2:00 on, 0:30 off; 12 rounds.

Notes: Another 0.8 pounds. Woohoo!

*** EDIT ***

That was a wicked awesome workout. Damn. This time I did it with tape and my hits (namely my jabs) were much stronger. That was cool.

2008-02-19T08:02:00.001-08:00

Week 1 | Tuesday
Weight: 180
Calories: 230
Water: 0 oz

Workout: None

Notes: So, that's 5 pounds in two days. Not too shabby.

2008-02-18T10:17:00.000-08:00

Week 1 | Monday
Weight: 182.6
Calories: 1,496
Water: 24oz

Workout: 40:00 Heavybag
2:00(ish) Punching Combinations (jabs, crosses, hooks); Some Footwork Practice
0:30 Rests

Notes: Well, that's good. 2.4 pounds off in just a day. Certainly a step in the right direction. Even though it was just one day of good eating, I feel so much better. I have more energy, I don't feel so blubbery and I just feel overall better about myself. See, I KNOW all this happens, but when I get in those funks, all I can focus on is what I can stuff my face with next. Weird how my brain works. Anyway, something else I'm going to try to incorporate is something my sis-in-law told me about: eat no more than 400 calories per meal. A friend of hers is a health nut and that's a rule he lives by. Definitely worth trying out.

That's all for today. I'm hoping to squeeze in a workout later today. Last night's workout didn't happen due to yet another deadline and being up until 3 this morning meeting it. Fun. Today's not as hectic, though. (Knock on wood.)

2008-02-17T07:02:00.000-08:00

Week 1 | Sunday
Weight: 185
Calories: 0

Workout: None

Notes: I'm sick of this. I've completely let myself slip. Look at my weight. 185! I remember when I first hit that number, I was so excited because it marked the lowest I'd been since I'd been married. Hey, I've hit that number...but it's not exactly exciting this time around. This is completely my fault, obviously, and now I've got to do something to fix this.

I don't have the resources I did the first time. Right now, we're only making enough to pay the bills, so a gym membership is out of the question for now. I can't run outside because the sidewalks are covered in snow, making it actually dangerous to run.

So what DO I have? I've got stairs. I've got a heavy bag (yeah, dumb purchase noting the financial situation, but it was on sale for a really good price, so we did it). I've got a weight bench with weights. Is it ideal? No. Will it suffice? Of course!

Kevin found a heavy bag workout that will be high intensity for both cardio and strength. It's only 11 minutes long, but looking at the workout, it's going to be intense.

On the food front, I'm going to spend the next 4 weeks eating 100% clean. No fast food. No buffets. No comfort foods. No sugary foods. I'm going to keep my calories at 1,500 per day. I'm also going to limit the alcohol. The only exception is red wine. I'm not going to do dessert wines or anything like that, but I'll have a glass of red wine (daily max) since it's good for you when consumed in moderation.

Now, that's not to say that after the four weeks is up, I'm going to return to my bad habits. I'm just going to allow myself to enjoy more foods (and drinks) within my calories.

Also, as soon as humanly possible, we're going to join a gym. Probably Rob's gym. It's close to work, it looks like a really nice facility and most importantly, it's cheap!

So there you have it. I'm starting over. Again. (I know...you'll believe it when you see it.)

2008-02-11T20:55:00.000-08:00

What a Day
I was trying to find an interesting picture for my blog tonight. Being void of any creativity whatsoever at the moment, I was looking for some bike gloves since that's what I'm still wearing from my workout (instead of weight gloves...and thinking that one up drained my last ounce of creativity). Then I came across these and they cracked me up just a little because I just pictured a smiling mime behind them as they pulled the invisible rope.

Moving on...

Today was a stressful day...seems to be the norm. After a long day of work, I came home to whiny kids who couldn't be satisfied, and who refused to go to bed, making for an even longer day. Then I had to do more work. I got stuck on a website design concept because every damn concept I've shown so far has been a GREAT idea until I actually followed through with it. Then everyone decided to go a different direction, which left me back at square one. Again. And so, there I sat with nothing left in the creative tank. So instead of digging into a pile of chips (before you lecture me, Billy, I don't have a single chip in my house), I went downstairs and worked out. It was actually a great workout...and I came up with it on my own. Here's what I did:

Lunge/Curl: 1 set, 15 reps each side
Jump Squats: 30s
Wide-Stance Squat/Shoulder Press: 1 set, 15 reps
Jump Squats: 30s
Situp/Chest Press: 1 set, 15 reps

Then I modified it to be smoother combinations:

Lunge/Shoulder Press: 2 sets, 10 reps
Jump Squats: 2 sets, 30s
Wide-Stance Squat/Curl: 2 sets, 10 reps
Jump Squats: 2 sets, 30s
Situp/Chest press: 2 sets, 10 reps

Those situps were killer. I think I need to perfect my form, but overall, wow. I'm going to feel those in the morning. Basically, what I did was put the bench in a decline position. Laying flat (bench still in decline position), I did a chest press, then returned to the starting position. Lots of stabilizing going on there. Good stuff.

The wide-stance squat was also good. Suprisingly (to me, anyway), it worked my inner thighs. Who woulda thunk?

Ok, I'm dead freaking tired (what? You couldn't tell by my retarded-ass blog tonight?) and I've still got crap to do. So I'm going to do that now. G'night.

2008-02-09T19:50:00.000-08:00

10 Pounds in 7 Days
So Kevin and I decided to challenge ourselves...lose 10 pounds between us in a week starting tomorrow.

I think it's possible. Ready, set, go!

2008-02-06T16:00:00.000-08:00

Superlost
Ugh. A picture is worth a thousand words. I feel so lost right now, for lack of a better term. Overwhelmed, stressed, behind on seemingly everything and no clue how to solve the problem. Just lost. I get up every morning with great goals and ambitions, then one thing after another keeps getting in the way and I keep getting more behind. I have a list of things I've got to get done each day and every time I set out to do one project, something distracts me. While I'm dealing with that distraction, something else distracts me and I start working on that. While working on that, I get distracted again, and start working on that. By the end of the day, not a single thing is checked off my list, but there are a ton of new projects I've started.

Argh. It's just frustrating.

A lot of it has to do with the move. I'm in a new place, a new house. I don't know where anything is...I get lost 90% of the time, so a 20-minute trip turns into an hour and 20 minutes...and it's usually in the bad parts of Pontiac. We've still got boxes and crap strewn throughout the house.

I'm also getting so frustrated with the diet and exercise aspect of things. I can't workout because I don't know if we can afford a gym membership yet (I haven't forgotten about you, Rob. I promise!), I'm eating crap because that's all we have in the house. RiteAid doesn't exactly have a produce section. I'd go grocery shopping, but I don't have three weeks to devote to finding a grocery store...then finding my way back home.

Sleep isn't exactly a luxury these days, either. I'm lucky if I get three hours a night anymore. I know. Yell at me.

I've just got to get my feet under me again. If only I could find them under all these damn boxes.

Sorry for the negative post, folks. I needed to vent, though.

2008-02-05T09:54:00.000-08:00

Goodbye, Home. Hello, Home.
Well, we're back home to Michigan. For Kevin, this is definitely home. For me, Colorado and Michigan are equally home. I spent about as much time in Colorado as I did Michigan and I've got incredible memories of both places.

I'll admit, it was pretty sad driving away from Colorado. The mountains in the rear view, and as corny as this sounds, amazing opportunities on the horizon. Very bittersweet.

There are certainly things I'll miss about Colorado. Family and friends, of course. And the mountains. One thing I loved about that state is how you could be surrounded by noisy traffic, tall buildings and hurried people, but you drive 45 minutes west and you're in another world. Quiet, serene, gorgeous. While Michigan certainly has its breath-taking places, there's just something about mountains that can't be matched. Slightly off-topic, climbing a fourteener is still on my list of things to do before I die.

All that said, I'm excited to be home. My other home. We've got an incredible job with incredible people. We're surrounded by good friends. Family is close...but far enough away, if you know what I'm saying. I feel like we've got a chance to start fresh. Just us. We're our own entity now making our own decisions and existing independently, if that makes any sense.

I also feel like I'm starting afresh with my weight loss. I've got about 30-40 pounds to lose. I'm surrounded by a good portion of the FAT Coalition, so I've got absolutely no excuse to keep dragging my feet. Well, deadlines are a pretty good excuse. But still. You see what I'm saying.

So...here's to a new beginning. This is going to be fun.

2008-01-15T08:05:00.000-08:00

What the Hell?

I screw up ONE damn time and the scale jumps up to 177?? That's almost four pounds from yesterday! I've been working my ASS off the last week and a half, eating perfectly for the last week and I get no slack. What the hell?? I don't jump DOWN four pounds. No. It takes me two weeks just to inch down on the scale. 0.2 pounds one day, 0.1 pounds the next. Ooh, look at that! 0.4 pounds that day!!!! Let's throw a party. But then I make one mistake - ONE MISTAKE - and I gain four f-ing pounds!!! I feel like I'm dragging a boulder up a steep hill. It's hard hard work with not a lot of reward. Then I slip once, and I have to make up a lot of lost ground.

Whatever. I'm going to hit the gym with my sis-in-law again today. Hopefully this just didn't quench any fire I had. It sure feels like it did.

2008-01-13T20:31:00.000-08:00

Week 55 | Sunday
Weight: 175.6
Clean Eating: 3 Days

Strength Training: Total Body
DB Romanian Deadlift/Lunge: 10 reps each side
3 sets

SB Pushup/Jackknife: 10 reps
Bent-Over Row/Back Extension: 10 reps
Lunge/Shoulder Press: 10 reps
3 sets

20s Jump Squats; 20s Squats; 20s Squat Hold
2 reps

Cardio: Upright Bike
22:00 HIIT
2:00 warmup
0:30 at L8, 1:30 at L2; 9 reps
0:30 at L9, 1:30 rest; 1 rep

Notes: Wow. I was drained today...before I started my workout. It was just one of those stressful days that takes everything out of you. Bleh. I made it through, though and went on to a high-intensity cardio routine. Coulda been worse, I guess.

2008-01-12T20:05:00.000-08:00

Week 54 | Friday
Weight: 176.8
Clean Eating Days: 2

Strength Training: Total Body
Squat/Shoulder Press: 10 reps
3 sets

Waterbury DB Row: 10 reps each side
Good Morning/Reverse Lunge: 10 reps each side
Squat/Knee Raise (modified): 10 reps
3 sets

Prone Plank: 30s
Reverse Curls: 30s
SB Curls: 30s
2 sets

Cardio: Treadmill
30:00 at 6.0mph
(includes 1:00 at 7.0mph and 1:00 at 8mph)
0:30 at 10mph

Notes: I worked out with my sis-in-law again and it was awesome. I'm telling you, the motivation that's there is unreal. Normally, I would've just ran my half hour and stopped, but I ended up running at 10mph for half a minute at the end of my run just to push myself. I'm retarded like that. Also, there's no way I would've gone over to the free-weight side of the gym with all the lifters and done my workout! Having her there helped out immensely. If anyone even thought negatively about us, she'd detect it and go tell them to stuff the weights up their ass. She's gifted like that.

I felt so goofy doing the exercises last night. I felt like I was using bad form and just doing them wrong. I dunno. There are mirrors there, so I can work on the form, but I still feel so clumsy going through the exercises. I'm looking forward to the workout tomorrow. Back to what I know.

2008-01-10T22:17:00.000-08:00

Week 54 | Thursday (again)
Weight: Look down.

Strength Training: None

Cardio: Elliptical
30:00 HIIT
2:00 warmup
0:45 at L18
1:15 at L1
14 reps

Notes: Instead of my usual 30 seconds on, a minute and a half off, I pushed for 45 seconds. The thought crossed my mind to ease up on the level after about five or six reps, but I didn't do it. I just didn't do it. I gave it everything tonight and that's certainly something I can hang my hat on. I'm totally looking forward to my workout tomorrow with my sis-in-law...have I mentioned that already? I'm stoked!

2008-01-10T08:46:00.000-08:00

Week 54 | Thursday
Weight: 176.0

Strength Training (Wed): Total Body (modified...I'll explain)
DB Romanian Deadlift/Lunge: 10 reps each side
3 sets

SB Pushup/Jackknife: 10 reps
Bent-Over Row/Back Extension: 10 reps
Lunge/Shoulder Press: 10 reps
3 sets

20s Jump Squats
20s Squats
20s Squat Hold
2 sets

Cardio (Wed): Elliptical/Treadmill
Elliptical: 10:00 HIIT
2:00 warmup
0:30 on
1:30 off

Treadmill: 13:00 HIIT
1:00 warmup
0:30 on
1:30 rest
6 reps

Notes: My sis-in-law wants to get back into the gym, but her main reason for not going so far is that there's no one to work out with. So she and I met at the gym yesterday and did cardio, then went through the T-Nation strength routine. Instead of dragging her through 4 sets of 10-rep T-nation exercises, I modified it to 3 sets of 10. She actually impressed me with her endurance, and having her there kept me in the gym working through that routine! We're going to go again on Friday and do Workout B. I haven't done that one yet because it took me a freakin' week just to recover from the first workout! I'm excited, though because of the ab focus at the end. Noting the soreness of my abs today from doing the SB jackknife 30x, I've got a long way to go with my abs.

2008-01-08T22:41:00.001-08:00

Week 54 (I think) | Tuesday
Weight: 176.8 (GRRR!)

Strength Training: Total Body
DB Romanian Deadlift/Lunge/DB Raises: 2 sets, 10 reps

Cardio: Treadmill
32:00 HIIT Running
2:00 Run at 6.5mph
0:30 Sprint at 8.0mph, 1 rep
1:30 Rest
0:30 Sprint at 9.0mph, 1 rep
1:30 Rest
0:30 Sprint at 10.0mph (max tread speed), 13 reps
1:30 Rest (after each sprint)

Notes: I'm pissed at the weigh-in. Due to circumstances I couldn't control, I didn't eat a bite until dinner. BAD! I know! Instead of diving head-first into junk food, I made turkey chili and cornbread. Yeah, so the cornbread wasn't great. It's a weakness, though. For "dessert," I had a Kashi bar. Then I weighed in this morning at freakin' 176.8. What the heck??

Then there was my workout this morning. I was happy with the cardio portion. However, because I took my time getting over to the fitness center, I didn't have enough time to get my strength workout in (because of yesterday's uncontrollable circumstances, I couldn't get to the FC for my cardio. So I initially decided to combine cardio and strength into one workout today and carry on with the rest of my week).

Then there were other frustrating events to make today an annoying, frustrating day. When it rains, it pours!

On a better note, I'm finally getting the hang of my monkey dump. I've figured out how to make it so I don't look like a Darth Vader head. Oh, and Brian, I'm noticing that messy hair on guys is in. ;)

2008-01-04T22:35:00.000-08:00

Week 53 | Friday
Weight: 174.6
Calories: No clue

Strength Training: Total Body
45:00 miscellaneous strength exercises

Cardio: Treadmill
1 mi at 5.8 mph

Notes: Well, there you have it. My hair. Eh. I don't really have the right products yet, so it kind of looks like a monkey took a dump on my head. But I'll get the hang of it.

In other news, I went to do my free personal trainer session today and I completely surprised the trainer with my knowledge of health and exercise in general. The cool part was that after the workout, she told me she was impressed with my endurance. She said that normally, people get really tired halfway through and need to stop. The bad part is that she did my body fat percentage. 31.5% according to her calculator. I'm not entirely bummed because there were no calipers involved...just my height, weight and a thing I had to hold on to. I've always been solid for my size (if that makes sense), so I know it's not that high. I do want to get some calipers this weekend so I can get a more accurate idea of what I'm dealing with. It's still going to be high...too high. But I know it's not THAT high.

Ok, off to bed. I'm dead freaking tired!

2008-01-02T21:42:00.000-08:00

Week 53 | Wednesday
Weight: Didn't weigh in. Oops.
Calories: 1,681
Fat: 54
Carbs: 228
Protein: 87

Strength Training: None

Cardio: Treadmill
2 mi @ 6.0mph (20:00)
20:00 HIIT; 30s @ 10.0, 90s rest.

Notes: My. Legs. Hurt. And being the glutton for punishment that I am, I decided to run on my pain-stricken legs. Hmmm, a piping hot bath is sounding reeeeaaaally nice right about now.

In other news, remember how I found a pic of Mandy Moore a couple months ago and said that when I reached my original goal weight of 145, I was going to cut my hair like hers? Well, I'm not even close to my goal weight, but I'm too impatient. I'm going tomorrow and getting a haircut like Elisha Cuthbert's. This will be the absolute shortest my hair has ever been, so I'm a little scared. I'm excited, though. Shoot, I'm stoked not to have to spend 45 mins blow-drying and straightening my hair every day!!!

2008-01-01T08:09:00.001-08:00

Week 53 | Tuesday

I haven't had a lot of time to blog lately, but I thought I'd at least give some quick hits as to what's been going on lately.

> I've got the fire back.

> I've been hitting the fitness center a lot lately, then on Sunday, I went to Bally's to start my 30-day membership. I ran 2 miles almost effortlessly, then pushed myself through 3 more. To complete the workout, I did 5 sets of sprints. 30-sec spring (10mph), 90-sec rest. In the words of Tommy Callahan, "That...was...ahhhhwwwsome!"

> My eating has been stellar...well, except for last night. I think that having the holidays out of the way will help out a TON! The next big "holiday" is Valentine's Day, and that's just a dumb holiday. Not in the "I don't have a boyfriend on Valentine's Day, so it's dumb and so are boys" way, but more of a "Why do you need a holiday to tell someone you love them?" kind of way. Anyway, no temptations there.

> I'm going to start the Testosterone Nation workout that Kristen blogged about a few days ago. I checked the strength circuits out and not only do they look fun, but the compound nature of the exercises definitely interests me. I'm all about multi-tasking! So I'll go to the fitness center tonight and do those.

And that's about it, folks. Have a good day off (for those of you not in retail) and if you are working today, have a good day anyway.

**** EDIT ****

Ow. There are a lot of freakin' lunges in that first workout!! Here's what I did (and I did it completely wrong the first time around, so bear with me):

1. Romanian Deadlift to Attempted Split Snatch plus Lunge, 20lbs.
I tried jumping into the lunge position and couldn't quite do it, so I modified the exercise to deadlift/lunge; 60-sec rest.

2a. Swiss Ball Pushup with Prone/Jackknife Combo; 30-sec rest.

2b. Bent-Over Row/Back Extension, 20 lbs; 30-sec rest.

2c. Dynamic Lunge/Shoulder Press, 15 lbs.

3. 20s Jump Squats, 20s Squats, 20s Squat Hold; 2 sets.

I screwed up by going through all the exercises. After I finished what I thought was my first circuit, I realized that I'm supposed to be doing consecutive sets of #1, then going on to the #2 circuit, then doing #3. I'm retarded. Oh well, lesson learned. I'm just glad the next workout has no lunges.

2007-12-27T13:07:00.000-08:00

Week 52 | Thursday
Weight: 178.0 (after breakfast)
Calories: 1,606

Daily Sodium Intake - 3,021 mg
Daily Cholesterol Intake - 126 mg
Daily Fiber Intake - 29 grams

Fat: 54
Carbs: 246
Protein: 47

Notes: Billy, you're completely right. As much as I hate to say it, you're right. You know, I was thinking about how much I've gained (it's actually 18 because I got down to 162 at one point) in this short of time and it made me sick. You know that rotten feeling you get in the pit of your stomach when you find out you just screwed up royally at work or you just found out something awful? Yeah, it's that feeling.

I'm gaining my focus back. I can't honestly say that I'm 150% motivated and I've got my drive back, because I don't. It's been non-stop stress for the past 36 hours and I'm going on about an hour of sleep since yesterday morning. (I'm not making excuses, I swear!) It's just been a rough week, but despite that, I'm getTING my drive back. I'm going to hit the gym tomorrow (with a free personal training session...woohoo!). I'm still planning on doing 75 pushups today. I'm getting there. This weight's going to fly off. I've already dropped 3 pounds in a day. It's amazing what clean eating will do for ya!

2007-12-26T09:31:00.000-08:00

Week 52 | Wednesday
Weight: 181.4 (ouch)
Calories: 1,460

Daily Sodium Intake - 1,946 mg
Daily Cholesterol Intake - 173 mg
Daily Fiber Intake - 27 grams

Fat: 64
Carbs: 157
Protein: 57

2007-12-21T12:25:00.000-08:00

Week 51 | Friday

Strength Training: None

Cardio: Elliptical
1:00 Warmup, L3
20:00 HIIT
30s at L19, 90s at L1

Notes: It had to be a joke. Had to be. I walk into the fitness center, I'm pumped to do my HIIT workout, and I see the TV on. Commercials. I'm thinking, "Cool, I've got a distraction today." I jump on the elliptical and get started, and as one commercial about food ends, another food commercial airs. Then another. Then the program came back on: Rachael Ray's 30-Minute Meals. Then I saw the nifty little "Food Network" logo at the bottom of the screen.

Nice.

Seriously, what were they thinking? If it was to "be funny," it wasn't...not only because it's been thought of at least a million times and has lost its humor, but because I was the butt of the joke, dammit.

Other than that, I had a good workout.

2007-12-20T12:33:00.000-08:00

Week 51 | Thursday
Weight: 177.6

Strength Training: None

Cardio: Treadmill
3 mi at 6.2-6.5mph

Notes: Ugh, I'm so mad! I went to the fitness center to do 8 miles again, but this time, I only left with three. And even then, it wasn't all running (I probably stopped for .2 miles total). I felt sick to my stomach, so I had to stop a couple times to avoid vomiting. I had to make toffee/peppermint bark again today for my family, and I sampled it about an hour prior to running. Hmmm, probably NOT the best idea, huh?

I'll do HIIT again tomorrow and shoot for 8 miles - again - on Saturday.

2007-12-19T14:35:00.001-08:00

Week 51 | Wednesday
Weight: 176.6

Strength Training: None

Cardio: Elliptical
20:00 HIIT
30s high-intensity, 90s active rest

Notes: I couldn't find a cool elliptical pic, so I found this cartoon instead. It actually reminds me of a certain person who I'm not too fond of (some of you know who I'm talking about. Hint: Marie from Everybody Loves Raymond). For the sake of anonymity, we'll call her Jezebel. Anyway, Jezebel had surgery a few years ago to put a band around her stomach because she's obese. Before I rant, I'll say that in some cases, bands or gastric bypass is an essential step in saving lives. That said, I believe a lot of people see it as the easy way out and do it so they don't have to endure the hard work of losing weight. She's one of the latter. What's worse is that she boasts about all the weight she lost as if she worked hard to lose it! When we went back out to Michigan, our weight loss was substantial since the last time people saw us. So Kevin and I were getting comments left and right about how good we looked because of the weight we'd lost. Any time Jezebel was within earshot, she'd pipe up and talk about her damn band and how she'd lost so much weight. Actually, conversations that week went a lot like this...

Anyway, I get so irritated with people like that who don't do a thing except get full and take full credit for their weight loss. The thing that's even worse is that she has no clue about calories in/calories out and she doesn't care. She eats apple pie for breakfast and she can't many fruits or vegetables because her stomach can't handle them! How screwed up is that?

Ok, done ranting. I started this post to say that I worked out again today. I'm getting back into the groove...before 2008. :)

2007-12-11T22:33:00.000-08:00

I'm a Fatass.
I could hardly stomach admitting this to myself, much less to all of you guys, but I stepped on the scale the other day (clothes on) and the number staring back at me? 176.0. Yep. I'm a fatass. I have absolutely no one to blame but myself. I've been letting the stress of our "vacation" get the best of me and have used food and drink as a comfort. That's not to say that Kevin's not a comfort, but he's just as stressed out by all of this as I am...there are only so many times I can vent to him before he wants to dive head-first into a pizza. Mmmm, pizza!

Anyway, the only vacation about our vacation was heading to Detroit for a get-together with some of FAT (I had a blast, btw, and it was great meeting all of you!!), catching a Pistons game, then having a fairly big meeting the following day. Nothing stressful there.

So yeah. Food and drinks have been "coming to the rescue." Not cool! Meeting Rob, Kristen and Melissa has certainly refueled my motivation. Then reading about Melissa and Rob running in these crazy Michigan temps is enough to light the fire under anyone's butt! I'm excited to get back into our "normal" routine and get back into old habits. Old - good - habits.

2007-12-02T08:55:00.000-08:00

Week 49 | Sunday
Weight: 170.2
Calories: 0
Fat: 0/48
Carbs: 0/183
Protein: 0/73
Fiber: 0/25

Strength Training: None

Cardio: Stairs (HIIT)
~22:00, 10 sets

Notes: That was brutal. But I didn't slow down, I didn't hesitate. I just kept going. I also could've stopped at 9 sets because that put me at 20 minutes, but I did one more to prove I could.

As crazy at it is, though, I'm looking forward to running eight miles.

2007-11-30T11:15:00.001-08:00

Week 48 | Thursday
Weight: 173.6 (well, that was a step in the wrong direction!)
Calories: 273
Fat: 2/48
Carbs: 51/183
Protein: 16/73
Fiber: 6/25
Water: 20 oz

Strength Training: None

Cardio: None

Notes: We finally went to print yesterday, so the insanity is over. For a couple weeks, anyway. I'm finally getting back on track. I've been horrible about counting calories - as in, I haven't been. I'm starting that back up today, though. I also adjusted my calories to a reasonable number. Before, I was aiming for 1,200 to 1,300 a day and that was killing me mentally. I knew there was a tight restriction, so I automatically went into "rebel" mode. So I think by increasing the amount of calories I consume (and therefore, my fat/carb/protein intake), I'll be doing myself a favor in the long run.

Speaking of runs, I'm going to try to get back into that, too. This month's production followed the last three exactly in that it got worse. I swear, every month we try to do things to make it better, and every month, the bosses throw more wrenches in things. Having staff meetings to discuss the issue going to print in TWO days, selling ads for the issue going to print the NEXT day and giving away editorial rights to advertisers to "throw them a bone" when they're not even paying for the ad in the first place isn't good for those who are actually putting the publication together. Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah! Running. Because of the magazine, I didn't get to bed until 4am at the very earliest and was up again around 8 or 9. Lack of sleep and lack of time weren't a great combo for the running scene. Now that I'm (mostly) rested and things are starting to calm down again, I'm going to start running again. I was talking to Kristen and she was telling me how to prepare for races. You do a long run, an actual run (distance of the race you're training for), then do an HIIT session. I love it...it's perfect! So starting whenever (it's still going to be crazy the next few days), I'm going to do 8-10 miles one day, 6 miles another, then stairs, hills or sprints for my HIIT day.

On the food scene, I'm making better choices. The other day, I grabbed some snacks for yet another late night. I could've grabbed chips/dip, candy, etc, but I grabbed carrots and hummus. For the record, I tried regular hummus and it was disgusting. I thought I'd give it another shot, only with flavored ones this time. I bought a Spicy 3-Pepper one and it was actually really good. Oh, and last night we went out to dinner. We labeled it as a celebration for deadline being over, but in all actuality, we all knew there was no way I was going to be able to function well enough to make an edible dinner with my lack of sleep. So we went to TGI Friday's and were presented with a menu full of insanely good-looking foods - none of which were healthy, of course. Instead of getting a burger and fries or pasta or whatever, I opted for the Dragonfire Chicken with a soup to start. If you've never had this, you've GOT to try it (if you're into spicy foods). It was so good! Here's the kicker: I didn't finish my entire meal. I was actually full mid-meal...and the cool part is I didn't force myself to eat regardless.

Ok, now that I've written a novel, I'm going to sign off.