There's real no rhyme or reason to the picture. I just think it's funny.

Anyway, I've moved. My new blog is nomoreexcusesforbeck.blogspot.com.

(As if you needed MORE letters to type in my already-long-ass Blogger address.)

Excusing My Behavior
Well, I think I've been giving myself an out. I'm allowing myself to think "I'm not going to count calories, but I'll just eat a little better." That's not working for me. By not holding myself accountable to...well, myself...I'm allowing bad behavior. Yesterday, I rationalized everything I ate. Here's some insight on my thought patterns:

Breakfast
What I ate: bowl of Peanut Butter Crunch for breakfast.
How I justified it: "This has about as many calories as a bowl of Fiber One or Wheat Chex. And it tastes sooo much better."

Lunch
What I ate: Chef Boyardee Ravioli
How I justified it: "I won't eat very much. Besides, nothing beats the taste of canned ravioli. Mmmm. Canned ravioli."

Dinner
What I ate: pizza and breadsticks
How I justified it: "Man, today sucked. I'm stressed, I have no time to make dinner, and I don't even want what we have available. I'll just have a couple pieces of pizza and a breadstick."

Late-Nite Snack:
What I ate: apples with homemade caramel sauce
How I justified it: "Dude, it's apples. Apples are good for you."

Yyyyeah. I can see how justification only makes my bad decisions worse. Argh.

So today isn't over yet. I just realized I haven't had anything to eat. Bad, bad, BAD! I know. So I'm going to get myself half a half-sandwich - turkey on whole wheat, hold the mayo - and an apple. Yeah. That actually sounds really good. Then I'm going to go grocery shopping and get more fruits and veggies as well as foods that are easy to make. (We've got to factor in convenience since, with the move less than a week away, practically everything is packed away.)

I'm so tired of excusing my bad behavior. It's definitely going to be much better once we get out to Denver, I'm working a regular job, have access to a gym both at work and in our community, and my insanely hectic life is somewhat tamed by a schedule.

Back on the Horse. Again.
Having gone through hell the last nine months, my weight was the first thing to spring back. It absolutely kills me to say this, but I'm back over 200 pounds. 205.6 to be exact.

I'm not sure if anyone even follows this anymore since I've been AWOL since October, but if you do, please don't judge me. Don't tell me what I did wrong and how I quit and blah blah blah. I know what I did wrong. I stopped caring about my weight amidst a non-stop stressful life. There were other things that became much more important to me than watching what I ate. And yes, stress (and money) played a major role in the quality of foods I consumed.

And now I'm rambling.

I'm picking this back up. Am I going to eat perfectly? Never put a simple carb in my body again? Never miss a workout? Can't say that I will. I'm a mom and wife with a full-time job in addition to the other everyday responsibilities. However, I'm going to start making my health a priority again.

If anyone is still out there, I need your support. I don't need to be judged for how I've allowed myself to slip this far, or to be told you don't have faith in my efforts this time around. While I can see the urge to do so (and to a point, the right), that will only discourage me. I can't do discouragement right now.

Ok, wow. This post was way too serious. Time for a joke.

Q. What does Snoop Dogg use to brighten his laundry?

A. Bleeyoch

Thank you. Thank you very much.

Fast. Run.
Today, I decided to fast. While it's not fasting in the literal sense (as I had an apple for dinner), I consumed no more than 200 calories today (including wine and green tea with honey). Tomorrow, I'm going to resume eating healthy meals, but keeping it under 1,200 calories. Depending on my weight tomorrow, I'm tempted to fast again on Friday. I think that's bordering unhealthy, though.

I don't get what my deal is. When I dedicate myself to fasting, I can do it with no problem. There are the hunger pangs here and there, but nothing unbearable. Yet, when I eat normally throughout the day, I struggle with restraining myself in regards to portions, or abstaining from sweets. Even more, abstaining from the urge to bake.

Anyway, in positive, non-starving news, Melissa and I went running tonight. I felt bad because I felt like I held her back by walking after maybe a mile. Talking and running is hard, for the record. Anyway, it felt so good to feel accountable, make time for exercise and DO IT.

I think training for races will only heighten the feelings of accomplishment.

So that's my day. I lost about four pounds today alone. We'll see what the scale says tomorrow.

Keep Holdin' On
Still holding on. The stress is still there...this and next week are going to be brutal. But I've been controlling the eating.

Kevin inspired me to find a body and Photoshop my head onto it. I think I will likely resemble Gina Carano when I finally hit my goal weight. So that's the bod I picked.

Yesterday...

I hit most of my goals yesterday. Ten lunges in, I realized I was going to follow up with sprints. It didn't seem like the best decision to finish my lunges if I wanted to walk today. So here's what I did:

Pushups: 3 sets, 10 reps.
Situps: 4 sets, 25 reps.
Lunges: 1 set, 10 sets each leg.
Sprints: 10 sets. 1 set = 0:30 sprint @ 9.8mph, 1:30 rest.

Eating was about 87.3% clean.

(Percentage obtained via Miya Butt.)

Got crap to do. I'm out.

A Step at a Time
Yesterday was a bad day diet-wise, good day activity-wise. While I ran/walked in the morning, then ran some routes and threw the football for about an hour at lunch, I still ate horribly. I think it's more habitual than anything else. I've let myself slip into "I don't care" mode and my diet is suffering significantly as a result.

I'm going to try focusing on a day at at time. A decision at a time.

My goals today:
1. No junk food.
2. Sprints, 30 pushups, 100 situps and 30 lunges

Breakfast: Fiber One cereal with 1/2% milk
Lunch: Salad of some sort
Dinner: Chicken pot pie (homemade with super-healthy ingredients)
Evening snack: green tea with honey and/or whole wheat toast

It's nothing lofty. I've just got to make good decisions today.

Outnumbered
I know it's been awhile, and I apologize. Truth is, I don't have anything good to blog about and really can't deal with criticism right now. Does that make me weak? Probably.

I feel like I'm a small army fighting several different armies...at the same time.

And I'm vastly outnumbered.

If I were just fighting the battle of weight and normal "everyday" stresses, then I would have absolutely no reason to be complaining. I'd be expected to just suck it up and shutup. I'm a strong army and I usually win the single battles. But I'm fighting so many battles right now that I can't justify spending my time and energy on weight loss.

I'm going to try, though.

I'm going to take small steps. Eat better, though not perfect. Devote half an hour each day to exercise. Be more active in general.

I've slipped. I can see it every time I look in the mirror. I can feel it every time I get dressed. And it depresses the crap out of me.

Anyway, I don't know how often I'm going to be able to blog. And I feel horrible because I haven't had time (nor will I be able to spend the time I'd like) to visit everyone's blogs. I'll try, though.

Ok, enough blogging, more exercising.